12/20/2016

Got Shilled : Inquisitor Martyr Open World Trailer


Gamesworkshop recently paid...I mean contacted me to talk about this
new, amazing game that's being concuckted by the...

...what was their name again? Let me check...

...NetorareGames...
Okay, So they told me that there was some translation errors in the Open World Trailer script,
and asked me to correct the mistakes here, right on my sweet ass...blog. :(



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"Kaligari sector on the fringes of segmentum tempestus."


It means the lower part of the galaxy.




"It's an ancient region..."

What does that mean? Is there a region in galaxy that formed last week?
Even if you were talking about the settlements of Imperium, 
humans have settled the galaxy a long time ago.
The closest being in the Great Crusade, which happened 10K years ago.

Even then there were more ancient settlements that were made and lost during ages before
the coming of the Emperor and the Imperium.




"Far from the light of astronomican..."

No it's not.

Eastern Fringe and some northern parts of the galactic map are "Far from the light of astronomican."
But the Tempestus is right fucking there.


One other thing, if there were no Astronomican light at Tempestus then the
entire Imperium would be a moot endevour.
The whole point of forcing the Emperor to live on his golden throne is to keep Astronomican alit.
So that mankind can move about the stars.
If Astronomican can't even reach Tempestus then maybe we are wasting 
time on the corpse of the Emperor.
We should learn about that dem Eldar magicks fast!



"Filled with heretical ideas, Xenos and warp storms..."

Let me get my generic subsector ideas list:

Heretical ideas : CHECK
Xenos : CHECK
Warp storms : CHECK

Yep, It's a generic subsector.

Move along.


"Plagued  by vicious warp searches."

I don't know what a warp search is, but it must be something new.
 "Unpredictable, small warp storms that can cut off whole systems"

Unpredictable:

Warp storms are somewhat predictable although this does not mean they're text-book accurate.
Usualy psykers and telepaths and other warp attuned people feel the coming of a warp storm.
Is there something special in this sector that makes warp storms unpredictable?
Saying that warp storms are unpredictable is stupid because warp storm are usually unpredictable.
If all warp storms were predictable then the warp storms would be no danger to anyone.
In the Imperial(16th century or so) times sea-faring was quite dangerous.
People made voyages and never came back.
Freak storms just came out of nowhere and scuttle ships.
Colonizing the world was dangeous business but without it the Britain would never
become a global Imperial power.
Warp storms and the dangers of warp travel is made from that theme.
Imperium of Man needs warp but it's dangerous to use.
So mentioning if warp storms are predictable or unpredictable  
in this particular part of space is quite dumb.

If you can predict a warp storm approaching you are in luck.
Otherwise, get fucked.

Small:
What does that even mean?
Are there big warp storms?
 Maelstrom is the second largest warp storm after Eye of Terror.
And Maelstrom itself is quite large and effect quite a space.



So these are so small that only one system is effected.
But isn't that what usually happens?

I mean are there other gigantic warp storms that rival Maelstrom 
in size and effect that we never heard of?

If a warp storm would be that large then it would cause a great event such as Badab War that happened because Space Marines were corrupted by Maelstrom or someshit.

Did I just took a simple word and attacked it vehemently?
Damn this blog writing turned me into quite the Jew.
OH NO! I AM A 40K SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR!
#SlanneshTransvestiteAndProud
#FreeWarpStorms
#NotMyEmperor
#CheckYourLoyalty
#OrkLivesMatter

I have fought against my inner deamons and become Lambda once again.

Ooooooh I get it,
He means Warp Surges.
Fucking accent.
Go back to Viking-land, Lars.



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"Since this is a persistent open world sandbox..."
Translation : 
Generic random generated world.
 
 
Persistent means things stay as you left them.
Richard was probably thinking more in line of...
"A world that fight wars among the AI even when there are no players!"
But those amazing ideas found their way into toilet with the 
"new", "immersive", "cinematic" gameplays of 2016.
This is exactly going to be like Skyrim.
There is going to be several types of levels.

For Example:

Ice planet
Space hulk
Volcanic world
Hive world(Cathedral or someshit)

Then they would mush these together to make generic random generated places.
And then you would run around kill generic enemies to gather randomly generated generic items.

It's basicly World of Warcraft the mini-game.





"The starting region will be expanded in due course..."

WAIT! WAIT A FUCKING MOMENT RIGHT FUCKING THERE TAFFER!
Was that a DLC advertisement that was in the fucking main game trailer?
They weren't even waiting for the game to come out before announcing DLCs.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 Even Pre-Orders were less stupid than this.
At least you were being advertised the game before buying the game.
Now they have taken the Pre-Order stupidity to the next step
 and you are to wait for the DLC before even buying the game.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Just how stupid you people are?
Is there a limit?

Hey I'm not developing a 40K game but the current content would be 
expanded in due course as I imagine myself making it.
Please send money to 
LambdagodConningAgency@shillingdept.com
to access this amazing game that I am not developing 
 but I imagined a DLC so buy it.

It could actually work.





"...as we unlock new subsectors..."

Translation:
We will sell you a half completed game and fill in the shitty content later on.

YOU ARE BASICLY BUYING A DEMO!
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

If you don't know what a demo is, in the past(Stone Age) games would have Demos
where you get them and try a short level to see what the game would be like.

There are still Demos today but in the past they were a thing.



"...content expands storyline..."

Translation:
Keep buying if you want to advance in the game sucker.



"...with other members of the community..."

Translation:
Co-Op cancer.



"...turning the sandbox into a dynamically changing world..."

"""""""""""""sandbox"""""""""""""

Translation:
Shitty repetitive gameplay with Co-Op option.



"Combined Sandox with randomly generated levels"
"It all starts with objectives"
"More than 15 objectives"


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This image explains how those "more than 15 objectives"  is going to be.
I will not further comment on this bullshit but direclty go to make fun of it.

Let's try to come up with 15+ objectives like this 
and see how many can I nail when the game comes out:

1 : Kill all enemies(Most generic idiotic objective ever)
2: Hold X ground for Y minutes(DOW1)
3: Gather X amount of resource Y(DOW:DC)
4: Escort VIP unit to place X(Retribution)
5: Defend X unit or building for Y time(DOW2)
6: Destory X building(Retribution)
7: Capture all strategy points or similar Take and Hold(DOW1)
8: Survive for X minutes before evacuation or something(Retribution)

This is actually getting hard.
9: Assasinate X enemy character?(DOW1 & DOW2)
10: Defend VIP unit for X time?

I actually ran out of ideas at this point.

11: Prevent X enemy unit to reach Y(Retribution)
12: Race to point X
13: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???
14: No idea
15: I give up.
16: Game is amazing please stop!
17: I won't talk bad about the games, Mister. Please stop these objectives!
18: Please they are draining me!
19:  I'm dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.



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"seasons"
"new enemies"
"new investigations"

I only have one response to this.

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This is the part when I had a brain fatality.

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The dude actually explains how they made this game boring as fuck.

Randomly generated generic maps?
Even Borderlands was better than that.

And Borderlands was a grind boring fest of a gameplay.

He honestly tells how randomly the maps are made.
Which means all gameplay is repetitive after a single play.

Randomly generated maps are done in Strategy games and older
strategy games like Red Alert series had actual map generators.

BECAUSE location and map matters in strategy combat.
But in an A-RPG the entire uniqueness of gameplay is reduced to generic randomized maps.

This is so amazingly bad that I can't actually believe that they kept it in the trailer.
And the funniest part is that he is trying to sell this generic repetitive map design as something to prevent repetition.

"In a board game that has constantly changing boards"

I have played board games and they are nothing like what you describe.
Sure, the main idea is there but in a board game the tiles are what's important.

For instance in Space Hulk you can make custom maps by using the boards but without a tile system in the game what you are talking about it completely idiotic.


This could actually be a good idea if you had a Turn Based Strategy game where tiles actually mattered.

But we are talking about an A-RPG, which I will be talking about in a short while.

He even talks in lingo, saying "tiles".
You move and fight by tiles in Turn Based Board Games.

Is there anyone in the world that watch this and go:
"Yeah. That's exactly like a board game."

A board game without turns or tiles.


I bet there are shills out there saying:
"This game is like a board game that captures the classical spirit of 40K games."

Oh...I mean...
This game obviously captures the classical spirit of 40K games.
It is a perfect representation of a board game.
The randomly generated maps give infinite amount of playibility and enchances the gameplay.


Be sure to check out this amazing game and buy all the DLCs.

The open world system is simply dazzling.
Nothing has ever achieved such a level of perfection.

Wow! With self generating maps and those tasty looking graphics this game
could be played for years to come.

I for one, Lambdagod, will be buying and playing this game.
Make sure to share this game on Facebook, Twitter, Cancer and other stupid social media Fucks.

This game is the fucking shit.
It is so amazing that if shit was purple it would be this game.

 Lambdagod blogspot is not responsible for failed expections. All products, companies and people used in this blog post is fictional and similarities to real products, companies and people are merely coincidential.

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