1/08/2017

Got Pissed! : New Star Wars Lore v2


No, although the title says otherwise, I am not pissed.

Instead I can't stop making fun of Star Wars.

The new lore is also amazingly fun-make-able.

Here is an Imgur lore frontpage shit piss fuck.

Keep in mind that I did not follow up on any of the 'new' lore.
At this point I only saw the New-New Hope Awakens.

I am also yet to see Rouge One.

Also according to my Star Wars Fans scale these posters rate as Franchise Whores.
Since it requires you to watch the new movie and then care enough to follow up on Comics and Novels(oh god no).
If you read the novelization of these movies I hope you are below age 15.
It's totally okay to read those shit at that age but above that and you're dead.




 

Visual Dictionary, Novelization, Poe Comics and Hookerpedia.

"Yes, I know gotta be careful..."
What's going to happen? Is Star Wars lore that important?
Silly Space Fantasy Adventure Lore.
Woooah, better be careful not to ruin the Original Space Wizards.
And the excali...I mean Lightsabers(TM)

Or should I call..........LAZERSWORDS!

Huh? George! Huh? Huh?

What is it you piece of shit?
Lazerswords George! Lazerswords!

Fuck you!

No, fuck you George. And Lazerswords.




Don't they like build a new Death Star in like 2 years or something?
I don't know how old Skywalker in between the Hope and the Jedi.
But it takes real short.
No, I'm not going to Hookypedia to look for that BBY shit timetable.

"This left the door wide open..."
Who was going to fill in the gap anyway other than the Alliance?

The hutts?

 

Also, Toydaria...
George's favourite planet.

I hope you choke on your own vomit, you fuck.
Shut up George. I am talking about Star Wars.
This is serious business.



 

For the last fucking time, niggers did not fought in World War One...
oh this isn't real history, it's that fictional crap.
I'm sorry, I thought...nevermind, my bad.

So they had control of "most shipyards" but they can't build new Super Star Destroyers?
They built a fucking Death Star in 2 months.

Also niggers...




 

 So the Empire lost these with this Treaty:

The entire administrative core that was probably on Coruscant.
Recruitment and mobalization of Stormtroopers, aka the entire military strength.
Imperial academies that probably train things like pilots and officers.

So at this point the Empire has:
Resources to build the StarKiller(5xDeath Star)
Ships, TIE fighters and new Stormtrooper gear.

They don't have:
Stormtroopers
Pilots to fly TIEs
Officers to command the ships or troops.

What the fuck?
Do they like fly ghost ships around for show's sake?
And all those ST and officers in TFA are remnants from the Empire?

 Oh wait, it explains in the next panel...



Okay that seems fair for plot purposes.
Here is a better lore;
Empire lost battle in Jedi.
Empire get ass kicked all over galaxy by Alliance.
Empire run away to uncharted.
Empire come back.

We really didn't need at that Concuctance Treaty that they signed.

Well...at least they signed it.






 

So while the Empire is still alive in the uncharted lands, some traitors leave the Republic,
join up with Empire and form the First Order.
Why?

Let's follow up a bit further before criticismsms. I don't know how that word is written.
Criticism
Critisisim
Criticism
...

  

 So it's a Cold War.
Proxy war.

So there are four sides.
Empire
First Order
Recucklic
and
Resistance

And since the two superpowers are locked to neutrality by the Treaty of giant penises,
the two smaller proxy armies go at it.

So how does a mega-weapon that can wipe out an entire star system come into the equation?
Like when Muricans placed nukes in Turkey and Ruskies placed nukes in Cuba,
the shit was about to get hot between the two superpowers.
And if the two proxy states were to attack one of the superpowers with nukes,
the shit would just blow away into a nuclear showdown.

And the First Order has a mega-DeathStar that wipes out an entire system.
Also keep in mind that either the Republic or the Resistance had no intel on this
Mega-DeathStar.

Were Bothans in a mating season at the time?



 Were they too busy fucking?




 

How does this economy work?

So it's cheap to produce STs and TIEs.
But when the First Order is broke they can't cheaply produce STs and TIEs?

Let's think this through.
Let me pull up some bogus economy and calculate this shit.

Empire in Empire Strikes Back is rich:
They have 100 Credits.

1 Stormtrooper grunt is trained for 1 credit.
1 Stormtrooper elite is trained for 5 credit.

So the Empire would have either:
100 ST Grunts
or
20 ST Elites

First Order in Force Awakens is broke:
They have 20 credits.

So the First Order would have either:
20 ST Grunts
or
4 ST Elites

So what this guy says it that there are no more Grunts but only Elites.
Then why is there shitzillion number of STs in TFA?

If that is their entire force, then did they all died when the StarKiller exploded?
If not then why do they have that many elite troopers that die like flies in the movie?

I know they're Space Nazis and that entitles them to die by the dozen.
But that also makes this "technological advancement" moot.

They could just use the old cheap STs if they are going to die just the same.
STs in the TFA weren't any more advanced that the previous STs.

Honestly my initial thought when I saw the new Stormtroopers was that
they were going to be cool about it and never try to explain
why they wear new armor and look different.

It would actually be cooler if they weren't had to come up
with some apologetic stupid idea such as this.
I would be happy with "These are the new armors, deal with it." approach.

Rather than Lucasian Apologetic, "Because R2 lost his jets after Hoth." approach.

-v2 Addition-

This apologetic idea was that the Empire had cheap but numerous STs
while the First Order had technologically advanced STs(which are not cheap).

I made a theoretical approach on the top which showed
how stupid this idea is.

Now I'm going to do the same thing I do to Christians and Muslims;
That is, I will use their own resources against them.

You fools never learn, there is no winning against Lambdagod.



Here is the Emperor's arrival scene.
This is a major event and I assume a lot of the stationed security forces
were present at the arrival.

I'm not going to count the image but there is 300 or so personnel in this image.
If you count the off-shot STs there is some 500 STs in the hangar at the arrival.

I also want to bunk a stupid argument idiots would make:
"BUH SOME NOT STROMTRUMP!" 
Yes, that also supports my argument since it decreases the number of STs.

Keep in mind that these are 'cheap'  STs.

 

In this image which is a major gathering of troops on StarKiller Base
there is shittons of STs.

There is more than a thousand STs in this image but
I like easy math so I call there is 1000 STs in this image.

Keep in mind that these are 'advanced' STs.

 

This is the official comparison of the two Bases.
I did not make the pixel-km comparison,
I found it on the web but I found it also supplements my argument so there it is.

I assume that the presented security personnel in the images are the local divisions.
Which means there are more troops stationed in the overall Base while
the Emperor arrives or Admiral Fuckpiss is making his speech.

 650 / 120 = 5.41
Which means to man the StarKiller base you need 5 times more STs
than the DeathStar.

Let's assume the greeting battalion in Emperor's arrival is 1/35
of the entire DeathStar.

That would mean that the speech watching battalion on 
StarKiller is 1/175 of the entire force.

Greeting battalion is 300 (Cheap) STs.
300 * 35 =  10500
 There is 10K (Cheap)  STs on the DeathStar.

Speech Watching Battalion is 1000 (Advanced)  STs.
1000*175= 175000
There is 175K (Advanced) STs on the StarKiller.

There is more STs on StarKiller than DeathStar.

And this does not include the First Order fleet or other troops in holdings.

Empire in it's most powerful stage does not boast the
same numbers as First Order in it's weakened state(Which the new lore states.).

Bunking another stupid argument before someone even makes it:
"BUH EMPUR HAS MANY TROOP IN BASE IN OTHER PLANET!
FURST ORDAR HAS ONLY BASE TROOP!"
You have 0 need for troops stationed all over the galaxy if you are
to rule the galaxy with fear of the DeathStar.
Their individual governments will keep the order and if they
misbehave, BAM, no more planet.
So First Order stationed all troops on StarKiller because
it's their only shot at galaxy domination,
while Empire treats DeathStar as a side-project?
With less ships and less troops guarding it?
Why not station the entire fleet around Death Star then?
You disbanded the senate so there is no way
for you to control the galaxy other than DeathStar approach.
And if you need to station mass amount of troops on the planets
then DeathStar must be quite moot.
Since you can already enforce dictatorship with troops.
Why build the DeathStar then?

The way to circumvent these questions is usually done by idiot-apologetics is
to invent 3rd fresh-out-of-ass reasons.
I encounter these in mass with Christians and Muslims.
It isn't any different in Star Wars morons.
They come up with entirely new ideas that doesn't fit anywhere.
Like that;
"Stormtroopers were trying to lure Luke,Han and Leia to the ship, so they can track them. That's why they keep missing their shots."
Was it also in their plan to;

Close the blast doors which is against what you want to accomplish,

(In the edited version STs radio in "Close the blast doors.",
then  they get stuck and radio in "Open the blast doors.",
which is supposedly to be a funny scene but it also goes against Luring Idea.)


Escape from Han and leading him into a dead-end where you shoot at him,
(In the edited version the dead-end was swapped with a hangar full of STs.)

Keep the bridge retracted so Leia and Luke had to use a rope to get across and
shoot at them while they are stuck in a dangerous ledge,
ST1 : My lord, the rebels are dead.
Tarkin : You were to lead them to the ship colonel, we were going to track them.
ST1 : But sir, you ordered us to shoot, so we did.
Tarkin : I ordered you to miss, colonel.

Predict the future that they will want to rescue the princess and not just want to leave
since at this point you have no idea who these captured people are or if they're rebels,

This is becoming like Palpatine's amazing plan for galaxy domination.


The lesson of the day is:

A movie is a movie, it's fun to watch and enjoy.
But when you put stupid apologetic reasoning on it,
it's a piece of moronic shit.

Anti-Reasoning:

I am also a nerd-loser-piss-fuck so it's my duty to
throw more shit-fuck-piss out there.

If Flirt Order was weaker than the Empire.
Then they would make a smaller sized DeathStar of their own.
Or as I stated elsewhere, multiple DeathStars to subdue the Republic with fear.

Or research a better weapon,
Galaxy gun was already
done in Dark Empire but now retconned.

And what is the end game of building a StarKiller?
DeathStar was built to get rid of senate(Because democracy)
and rule the galaxy with fear(Because dictatorship).

Which is within theme of the Empire.
It both shows the character of the Empire(Democracy hating Nazis),
and it puts us in a timeline in the New Hope.(Last vestiges of Republic is gone and evil is afoot.)

Which begets for an epic journey to begin.

So if you follow the same idiotic formula.
(Empire is back with dictatorship gun to rule the galaxy)
Then don't come up with stupid ideas to justify it.

If you are going for a more realistic approach,
say...
First Order is a weakened shadowy guerilla organization,
then work on that.

Theme is everything you fuck-fuck-fucks.

So First Order is;
Technologically Advanced
Able to build a StarKiller(Game Changer Plot Device)
and
Weakened Nazi Organization
Which does not go with one another.

I had assume that First Order was the combined remnant of the Empire and they are building
the StarKiller(With their last resources) so they would have one last shot to rule the galaxy,
before Republic finally hunts all of them and ends their evil.

A Nazis in MesoAmerica would be a better theme for First Order.
(I know Abraham JayJay said that First Order was like Meso-Nazis but it isn't.)
Instead.
We took the "EVERYTHING IN EVERYTHING!"
approach.

Because these days you can't have subtle Epic stories.
You can't have Achilles vs Hector.
Or Luke vs Vader.

You have to have;
A MILLION FRANKENSTEINS FIGHTING A BAZILLION GARGOYLES!

This is the perfect example of Red Lamborghini.









"...a connection to Snoke..."

I have only one question and everyone is thinking it,
does he suck his dick?
Is he Snoke's personal pussy-boy?
 Is Snoke's cock shriveled and grey?

I actually didn't think I would learn the answer
but the internet once again provided me with it's sacred knowledge.

I present to you...THE ANSWER!

 





 

 I am not going to ask why an entire planet is needed to build this thing.
Or why they can't just make a normal Death Star, which would be cheaper.
They could even built several Death Stars and attack
multiple targets to cripple the Republic all over the galaxy.

This is obviously for show and for plot, so yes, I am going to let this go.

But the problem is that if this was their HQ, with all that STs on it,
then the First Order is probably crippled beyond recovery at this point.
Remember these guys used "Advanced Techology Elite Forces" approach,
which is simply more expensive.

But I assume they're going to pull an "Ultramarines First Company" on that,
and claim that the troops were evacuated at the last second or some shit.




 

Oh, yeah! I remember this scene in the movie.
Those planets nobody cared about.
What a tragedy!

 

Did that guy just used RAMification and Poe Dameron in the same paragraph?

Fuck shit, now I gotta find Poe R34, hold on...



Enjoy these images of Fin fucking Poe.

 

God, where is this blog going to?

   

I warned you about this blog being shit...you didn't listen.



This is your fault people. All your fault.

12/26/2016

Got Pissed! : Where did Horus Heresy series gone wrong?



First of all quit trying to enforce cookies you fucking retards.
My browser deletes your stupid cookies automatically so go fuck yourself.

This is exactly what's wrong with these clueless companies.
Their leaders are clueless on how to world works and focus on money alone.
Business graduates should be killed. Fucking cancer.

FUCK YOURSELF GAMESWORKSHOP AND BLACK LIBRARY!

Now that we got that out of the way,

I assume you know what Horus Heresy is if you're reading this retarted ass blog.
Before the novel series, Horus heresy was only found in Codexes
as background on Space Marines and Chaos Marines.
And there was a card game that focused on Horus Heresy,
which was made into a neet book called "Collected Visions"

Although there are lore rapes in Collected Visions it's a neat collection
of major events in Horus Heresy.


Horus Heresy had three main books to set the stage.

 I won't be talking writer specific points at this point
and hold the Black Library in it's entirety responsible.

These books were good and enjoyable but then the entire franchise turned to shit.

Now I really can't blame Gamesworkshop for being an idiotic corporatic morons since
many other companies follow the "Milk the franchise to death" route.



So these three books follow Horus and one his captains Garviel Loken

Obviously Loken was the protagonisma and we see events from his perspective.
This is fine and works because Loken is a default good guy.

The main theme of Horus Heresy is the fall of mankind.

Now, the mankind has fallen before but this time the Emperor dies and
our precious race plunges into fascism and eventual extinction in the hands of
corruption, chaos, aliens and mutants.

In short, we die out.




I'm just going to pop up a quick background on the whole Horus Heresy so you can
follow the theme even if you're not familiar with it.

Emperor is "born" into existence at Asia Minor in an ancient city called Corum(Choruhm).
In modern day Turkey.


He born because all the shamans of mankind commited suicide collectively to
prevent themselves from dying out.

They did this to protect mankind since the warp was murdering shamans and
they decided that mankind need their help to survive.

So the Emperor was born.
A god-like powered psyker made out of thousands of shaman souls.

Emperor travelled the world for thousand of years,
helping out as an influencial figure in shadows.

He was Jesus spreading the word of peace among men.
He was beside Alexander helping out him to conquer an Helen Empire.
He helped build the Xia dynasty.
He helped mankind advance the sea-faring.
He made Rome conquer the mediterranian.
He made Britain conquer the colonies.
He made America conquer the pacific and middle east.
He was beside Hitler, helping him out to exterminate the Jews.
He shot Kennedy because who needs Kennedy.
He mind controlled an airliner into the twin towers.
And he helped mankind beyond M2(2000's).

His grooming direction caused mankind to enter into a Golden Age of Technology
Also called the Dark Age of Technology by Technophobics.


#FreeIronMen
#CyberLivesMatter
#AIAndProud
#WeSkynetNow
#ICantLetYouDoThat
#DeusEstMachina

Now with Trump president we will see more rage against the machines.

Then came the Age of Strife,
and the greatest age of mankind ended in anarchy and loss.
Age of Strife was a natural occurance, or a Chaos Gods induced one.
You choose.

Anyways, after millenias of suffering and war finally Emperor was in position to act.
And bring the Age of the Imperium.

How would he do that?
He used super science to make the super soldiers called "Thunder Warriors"

He conquered Terra with armies of Thunder Warriors.
Then perfected the super soldier methods, thus creating the Adeptus Astartes.
The frea-fucking Space Marines.

He created Legions of them, numbering from several dozen thousand to hundred thousand.
To create the Astartes, he split his own DNA or magic-DNA to make Primarchs
 and then split their magic-DNAs and put them inside Astartes.

Primarchs are his clone-sons that are the ultimate human beings, second to only the Emperor himself.

Basicly this happens...


Now that's the main narrative.




So at this point the novel series take over and they jump
from before the Great Crusade to the Crusade and sometimes beyond it .

The timeline in the novels are all over the place.

Some are prequels, some are advancing the storyline,
while some are just fluff about past.

In short;
Emperor goes dragon hunting in libya.
Spoilers : Riding a horse




The first book sets up the condition Horus and Loken is in.
And we see Horus as a good guy.

Then in the second book he gets corrupted by Chaos.

And in the third book he kills a lot of Loyalists in Istvan or Istvaan or someshit.

So we have half the narrative already told in the first three books.

Then some other novels fill in on major events in Horus Heresy,
like A Thousand Sons and Prospero Burns.

But a lot of the others are just inconsequential side events that we hardly care about.

If you have been reading this blog(For what reason I don't know), then
you've seen me rage on that novel by Annandale.

Damnation of Pythos.
 

WHO CARES!

If the story was good in it's own right then I would be okay with it.
But most of the novels are just fillers and badly written boring shits.

What was that one Graham Mcneill wrote?
 Annihilation Sanctum?
Scrotum Exterminatus?
 Angel Exterminatus?

Yes, the last one.
It's somewhat of an important side event, Fulgrim tries to sacrifice Robot-Man
to the Chaos Gods so that he can become a Deamon Prince.

Which is a neet idea but the execution was so so boring and
the novel itself sucked ass.

There was only one enjoyable character moment for Pertubarto,
where he and some marine plays 40K-esque war simulation and we
get to see Perbataro as a master strategist.

The series is utterly shit with some gems inside.
People debate heavily on what's good or bad.

But as always I approach it from a story perspective.
I support creativity and most of all good storytelling.

I don't want that robot-like re-telling of the story obviously.

For instance some people got mad became Dan Abnett wrote Horus as a
good guy in the first novel.

But I liked it simply because it enrichs the story rather than being
"Just like written in Codex Space Marines."

And it also puts a "What if..." angle to the story.

Breaking lore heavily is a no-no but also you have to be creative.
It's really a hard-line to walk and obviously you won't be pleasing
every fucking nerd out there.

Combine that with "WE NEED MAKE MORE MONEY" attitude of GW
and you have an amazing shit-fest called Horus Heresy.


Here are some main problems that made me dislike the series.

-1-

The Loken's arc was complete in the first three books.
There was no need to bring him back.

First they establish him as the "generic good astartes"

then in the second book his "perfect ideals" go against his newly-corrupted legion
and he is divided between his loyalty to the Emperor and his father Horus.

In the third book which was basicly Istvaan III where Horus purges all the
loyalist marines from the legions on his side and kills them all on the planet.

Which is epic as fuck.

Then Loken dies.

That's a good twist within the theme.

We fall. Mankind falls.

Our heroes die.

Then the most reasonable thing to do is to move on and come up with new
interesting characters to serve the plot.

 But I guess we need to resurrect Loken so we can sell his toy...



 Not that I'm against toys but you could just made his model and sell it,
while still keeping him dead.
It was proven again and again by history that GW doesn't give two shits about lore
when it comes to model selling.
So why now? Why him?
GW is run by idiots.

-2-
Only few writers bothered to do proper characterization.

Namely Dan Abnett and Aaron Demski Bowden.
Examples would be:
and
But even though a good novel Know no Fear,
has literally zero memorible characters.

The story and the novel is fun to read. 
But at this point there were so little characterization.
And I think they beat up Dan Abnett when he proposed to write more characters
 and shouted at him:
"NO! WE NEED TO SELL PRIMARCH MODELS! NO MORE CHARACTERS!"
"WRITE MORE PRIMARCH!"

 Which he did.
And wrote Guilliman as a proper character.
Whether nerds would agree or not, Guilliman and his character
was one of the few good things in the novel.
If you have to ask;
In the novel you see that Guilliman is naive towards
his brother's intentions and thinks that relationships can be fixed.
But when Lorgar springs his trap he is adamant and strong.

When I say characters, I don't mean the countless random names that were thrown out there.
But actual memorible characters that do something that matters.
For instance we see Logan in his initiation to the morningwell and he
says "I won't worship spirits or rituals" or something similar.

Which puts his character in the time and theme.

Time : Emperor's Atheistic Crusade
Theme : Values of past will be crushed under the coming events.

There is a similar Space Marine captain(or something) in Know no Fear.

And the only thing he does is save a woman from death.(I'm not even sure it's him or someone else)

The whole point of Know no Fear is to start the "scourging of Ultramar" 
which is heavy with dramatic mood.

So why are there not memorible characters?

-3-

Ollanius Pius was the only memorible character from Know no Fear.
But it was just ruined instead of being awesome.


He was the single most awesome official Horus Heresy character.
And he is completely within theme.

One man against a god of war.
One single ordinary man against a Chaos War God.

And he sacrifices himself and shows the Emperor what Horus has become,
so he can use his powers to destroy him.

 But now Pius is immortal.

 Oops...there goes the theme.

Now I haven't read all the novels and they might still take their chance and play the
"His immortality is nullified because of Horus' chaos asshair power."
But you made him immortal.
So right now his arc is completely pointless.
Or is it? Dan Abnett, are you going to pull on us a Torment?

I can cope with the Grammaticus guy being immortal because he is a meaningless side character.
And his agent of Cabal status is actually very useful for 
binding the entirety of Horus Heresy and to make him
a good "Obi Wan Kenobi's Ghost"
to talk about stuff and fluff with other important characters.





I may seem like talking shit about Dan Abnett, but actually he is the only
one who actually cared about the 40K lore up until this point.

Despite the changes he brought Pius back from the retconland.
And he made Bjorn a character, which is neat.

Aaron Bowden also spiced up the World Eaters and Word Bearers. 
And probably saved them from the "generic writing" of Graham Mcneill.

What's funny is that Graham is writing Iron Warriors because he wrote some Iron Warriors
novels before Aaron came into the picture.

Although his initial Iron Warrior novels were good,  
Graham is really a sucky guy when is in the mood.

His novels range from "It's okay" to "Fucking hell, this sucks."

Where his old Ultramarines novels and Iron Warrior novels are okay.
His Black Templar Codex and subsequent Horus Heresy novels(namely Angel Exterminatus)
was a generic fuckfest.

So my idea was that he "pushed" the World Eaters and Word Bearer on Aaron.
Thinking that the new guy should write the "scraps" while
he blazes in glory of Mechanicum and Iron Warriors, which are just
the two most awesome factions by default.

But Aaron turned the "nobody cares" legions into "super epic grim dark" legions.
While Graham's precious Mechanicum and Iron Warriors sucked ass.



Graham Mcneill would roll over in his grave...if he was dead.
He should be.


-4-

That's about it.

Horus Heresy had a good start but then it
became a "model selling" shitfest.

They even babbled on about how they are going to
write the novels in somesort of council.
So that everything is going to be consistent.

What a load of bull.

But my good friends, don't you worry.

Lambdy here would tell you what to read and what to expect.

This is my list of relevancy:



This is my list of scale:



I can't scale the anthologies since they contain many stories from different authors.
But most of the time they contain one or two good stories.

-Good-

There are some not so good ones in Good category but I liked them simply because they
introduced the major events of Horus Heresy.

For instance Fear to Thread or Flight of Einstein weren't awesome.
But they have some neat moments.

-Ugly-

Meh is also a debatable category.
For instance Deliverance Lost is a way better novel than Battle for Abyss.
But Battle for Abyss had one or two good characters moments.
So I put it up there.
Probably a mistake.

In short: 
There was this World Eater loyalist, 

the characters are in a Word Bearer traitor ship and
this World Eater roams the ship by himself and randomly kills Word Bearers.
Actually other than that the novel was shit.

That's why it's in Meh.

-Bad-

Garbage category is utter shit.

Nemesis is the greatest pile of shit ever made.

Garro series was supposed to be the emergence of Grey Knights.
 But he is running around the galaxy for the moment, doing nothing but gathering up people.
Maybe the individual narratives weren't so bad.
But when I think back, the entire Garro storyline is pointless.

That Silent War looks like Garro too.
Maybe finally that would have some pointy plot.

As you can see there is shit tons of novels and shorts I haven't read.
But do you want to know the funny fact?

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY READ ANY OF IT!
I DON'T FUCKING READ!
FUCK BOOKS!
FAHRENHEIT 451 MOTHERFUCKER!

 

12/20/2016

Got Shilled : Inquisitor Martyr Open World Trailer


Gamesworkshop recently paid...I mean contacted me to talk about this
new, amazing game that's being concuckted by the...

...what was their name again? Let me check...

...NetorareGames...
Okay, So they told me that there was some translation errors in the Open World Trailer script,
and asked me to correct the mistakes here, right on my sweet ass...blog. :(



video

"Kaligari sector on the fringes of segmentum tempestus."


It means the lower part of the galaxy.




"It's an ancient region..."

What does that mean? Is there a region in galaxy that formed last week?
Even if you were talking about the settlements of Imperium, 
humans have settled the galaxy a long time ago.
The closest being in the Great Crusade, which happened 10K years ago.

Even then there were more ancient settlements that were made and lost during ages before
the coming of the Emperor and the Imperium.




"Far from the light of astronomican..."

No it's not.

Eastern Fringe and some northern parts of the galactic map are "Far from the light of astronomican."
But the Tempestus is right fucking there.


One other thing, if there were no Astronomican light at Tempestus then the
entire Imperium would be a moot endevour.
The whole point of forcing the Emperor to live on his golden throne is to keep Astronomican alit.
So that mankind can move about the stars.
If Astronomican can't even reach Tempestus then maybe we are wasting 
time on the corpse of the Emperor.
We should learn about that dem Eldar magicks fast!



"Filled with heretical ideas, Xenos and warp storms..."

Let me get my generic subsector ideas list:

Heretical ideas : CHECK
Xenos : CHECK
Warp storms : CHECK

Yep, It's a generic subsector.

Move along.


"Plagued  by vicious warp searches."

I don't know what a warp search is, but it must be something new.
 "Unpredictable, small warp storms that can cut off whole systems"

Unpredictable:

Warp storms are somewhat predictable although this does not mean they're text-book accurate.
Usualy psykers and telepaths and other warp attuned people feel the coming of a warp storm.
Is there something special in this sector that makes warp storms unpredictable?
Saying that warp storms are unpredictable is stupid because warp storm are usually unpredictable.
If all warp storms were predictable then the warp storms would be no danger to anyone.
In the Imperial(16th century or so) times sea-faring was quite dangerous.
People made voyages and never came back.
Freak storms just came out of nowhere and scuttle ships.
Colonizing the world was dangeous business but without it the Britain would never
become a global Imperial power.
Warp storms and the dangers of warp travel is made from that theme.
Imperium of Man needs warp but it's dangerous to use.
So mentioning if warp storms are predictable or unpredictable  
in this particular part of space is quite dumb.

If you can predict a warp storm approaching you are in luck.
Otherwise, get fucked.

Small:
What does that even mean?
Are there big warp storms?
 Maelstrom is the second largest warp storm after Eye of Terror.
And Maelstrom itself is quite large and effect quite a space.



So these are so small that only one system is effected.
But isn't that what usually happens?

I mean are there other gigantic warp storms that rival Maelstrom 
in size and effect that we never heard of?

If a warp storm would be that large then it would cause a great event such as Badab War that happened because Space Marines were corrupted by Maelstrom or someshit.

Did I just took a simple word and attacked it vehemently?
Damn this blog writing turned me into quite the Jew.
OH NO! I AM A 40K SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR!
#SlanneshTransvestiteAndProud
#FreeWarpStorms
#NotMyEmperor
#CheckYourLoyalty
#OrkLivesMatter

I have fought against my inner deamons and become Lambda once again.

Ooooooh I get it,
He means Warp Surges.
Fucking accent.
Go back to Viking-land, Lars.



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"Since this is a persistent open world sandbox..."
Translation : 
Generic random generated world.
 
 
Persistent means things stay as you left them.
Richard was probably thinking more in line of...
"A world that fight wars among the AI even when there are no players!"
But those amazing ideas found their way into toilet with the 
"new", "immersive", "cinematic" gameplays of 2016.
This is exactly going to be like Skyrim.
There is going to be several types of levels.

For Example:

Ice planet
Space hulk
Volcanic world
Hive world(Cathedral or someshit)

Then they would mush these together to make generic random generated places.
And then you would run around kill generic enemies to gather randomly generated generic items.

It's basicly World of Warcraft the mini-game.





"The starting region will be expanded in due course..."

WAIT! WAIT A FUCKING MOMENT RIGHT FUCKING THERE TAFFER!
Was that a DLC advertisement that was in the fucking main game trailer?
They weren't even waiting for the game to come out before announcing DLCs.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 Even Pre-Orders were less stupid than this.
At least you were being advertised the game before buying the game.
Now they have taken the Pre-Order stupidity to the next step
 and you are to wait for the DLC before even buying the game.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Just how stupid you people are?
Is there a limit?

Hey I'm not developing a 40K game but the current content would be 
expanded in due course as I imagine myself making it.
Please send money to 
LambdagodConningAgency@shillingdept.com
to access this amazing game that I am not developing 
 but I imagined a DLC so buy it.

It could actually work.





"...as we unlock new subsectors..."

Translation:
We will sell you a half completed game and fill in the shitty content later on.

YOU ARE BASICLY BUYING A DEMO!
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

If you don't know what a demo is, in the past(Stone Age) games would have Demos
where you get them and try a short level to see what the game would be like.

There are still Demos today but in the past they were a thing.



"...content expands storyline..."

Translation:
Keep buying if you want to advance in the game sucker.



"...with other members of the community..."

Translation:
Co-Op cancer.



"...turning the sandbox into a dynamically changing world..."

"""""""""""""sandbox"""""""""""""

Translation:
Shitty repetitive gameplay with Co-Op option.



"Combined Sandox with randomly generated levels"
"It all starts with objectives"
"More than 15 objectives"


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This image explains how those "more than 15 objectives"  is going to be.
I will not further comment on this bullshit but direclty go to make fun of it.

Let's try to come up with 15+ objectives like this 
and see how many can I nail when the game comes out:

1 : Kill all enemies(Most generic idiotic objective ever)
2: Hold X ground for Y minutes(DOW1)
3: Gather X amount of resource Y(DOW:DC)
4: Escort VIP unit to place X(Retribution)
5: Defend X unit or building for Y time(DOW2)
6: Destory X building(Retribution)
7: Capture all strategy points or similar Take and Hold(DOW1)
8: Survive for X minutes before evacuation or something(Retribution)

This is actually getting hard.
9: Assasinate X enemy character?(DOW1 & DOW2)
10: Defend VIP unit for X time?

I actually ran out of ideas at this point.

11: Prevent X enemy unit to reach Y(Retribution)
12: Race to point X
13: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???
14: No idea
15: I give up.
16: Game is amazing please stop!
17: I won't talk bad about the games, Mister. Please stop these objectives!
18: Please they are draining me!
19:  I'm dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.



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"seasons"
"new enemies"
"new investigations"

I only have one response to this.

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This is the part when I had a brain fatality.

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The dude actually explains how they made this game boring as fuck.

Randomly generated generic maps?
Even Borderlands was better than that.

And Borderlands was a grind boring fest of a gameplay.

He honestly tells how randomly the maps are made.
Which means all gameplay is repetitive after a single play.

Randomly generated maps are done in Strategy games and older
strategy games like Red Alert series had actual map generators.

BECAUSE location and map matters in strategy combat.
But in an A-RPG the entire uniqueness of gameplay is reduced to generic randomized maps.

This is so amazingly bad that I can't actually believe that they kept it in the trailer.
And the funniest part is that he is trying to sell this generic repetitive map design as something to prevent repetition.

"In a board game that has constantly changing boards"

I have played board games and they are nothing like what you describe.
Sure, the main idea is there but in a board game the tiles are what's important.

For instance in Space Hulk you can make custom maps by using the boards but without a tile system in the game what you are talking about it completely idiotic.


This could actually be a good idea if you had a Turn Based Strategy game where tiles actually mattered.

But we are talking about an A-RPG, which I will be talking about in a short while.

He even talks in lingo, saying "tiles".
You move and fight by tiles in Turn Based Board Games.

Is there anyone in the world that watch this and go:
"Yeah. That's exactly like a board game."

A board game without turns or tiles.


I bet there are shills out there saying:
"This game is like a board game that captures the classical spirit of 40K games."

Oh...I mean...
This game obviously captures the classical spirit of 40K games.
It is a perfect representation of a board game.
The randomly generated maps give infinite amount of playibility and enchances the gameplay.


Be sure to check out this amazing game and buy all the DLCs.

The open world system is simply dazzling.
Nothing has ever achieved such a level of perfection.

Wow! With self generating maps and those tasty looking graphics this game
could be played for years to come.

I for one, Lambdagod, will be buying and playing this game.
Make sure to share this game on Facebook, Twitter, Cancer and other stupid social media Fucks.

This game is the fucking shit.
It is so amazing that if shit was purple it would be this game.

 Lambdagod blogspot is not responsible for failed expections. All products, companies and people used in this blog post is fictional and similarities to real products, companies and people are merely coincidential.

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