Got Pissed! : New Star Wars Lore v2

No, although the title says otherwise, I am not pissed.

Instead I can't stop making fun of Star Wars.

The new lore is also amazingly fun-make-able.

Here is an Imgur lore frontpage shit piss fuck.

Keep in mind that I did not follow up on any of the 'new' lore.
At this point I only saw the New-New Hope Awakens.

I am also yet to see Rouge One.

Also according to my Star Wars Fans scale these posters rate as Franchise Whores.
Since it requires you to watch the new movie and then care enough to follow up on Comics and Novels(oh god no).
If you read the novelization of these movies I hope you are below age 15.
It's totally okay to read those shit at that age but above that and you're dead.


Visual Dictionary, Novelization, Poe Comics and Hookerpedia.

"Yes, I know gotta be careful..."
What's going to happen? Is Star Wars lore that important?
Silly Space Fantasy Adventure Lore.
Woooah, better be careful not to ruin the Original Space Wizards.
And the excali...I mean Lightsabers(TM)

Or should I call..........LAZERSWORDS!

Huh? George! Huh? Huh?

What is it you piece of shit?
Lazerswords George! Lazerswords!

Fuck you!

No, fuck you George. And Lazerswords.

Don't they like build a new Death Star in like 2 years or something?
I don't know how old Skywalker in between the Hope and the Jedi.
But it takes real short.
No, I'm not going to Hookypedia to look for that BBY shit timetable.

"This left the door wide open..."
Who was going to fill in the gap anyway other than the Alliance?

The hutts?


Also, Toydaria...
George's favourite planet.

I hope you choke on your own vomit, you fuck.
Shut up George. I am talking about Star Wars.
This is serious business.


For the last fucking time, niggers did not fought in World War One...
oh this isn't real history, it's that fictional crap.
I'm sorry, I thought...nevermind, my bad.

So they had control of "most shipyards" but they can't build new Super Star Destroyers?
They built a fucking Death Star in 2 months.

Also niggers...


 So the Empire lost these with this Treaty:

The entire administrative core that was probably on Coruscant.
Recruitment and mobalization of Stormtroopers, aka the entire military strength.
Imperial academies that probably train things like pilots and officers.

So at this point the Empire has:
Resources to build the StarKiller(5xDeath Star)
Ships, TIE fighters and new Stormtrooper gear.

They don't have:
Pilots to fly TIEs
Officers to command the ships or troops.

What the fuck?
Do they like fly ghost ships around for show's sake?
And all those ST and officers in TFA are remnants from the Empire?

 Oh wait, it explains in the next panel...

Okay that seems fair for plot purposes.
Here is a better lore;
Empire lost battle in Jedi.
Empire get ass kicked all over galaxy by Alliance.
Empire run away to uncharted.
Empire come back.

We really didn't need at that Concuctance Treaty that they signed.

Well...at least they signed it.


So while the Empire is still alive in the uncharted lands, some traitors leave the Republic,
join up with Empire and form the First Order.

Let's follow up a bit further before criticismsms. I don't know how that word is written.


 So it's a Cold War.
Proxy war.

So there are four sides.
First Order

And since the two superpowers are locked to neutrality by the Treaty of giant penises,
the two smaller proxy armies go at it.

So how does a mega-weapon that can wipe out an entire star system come into the equation?
Like when Muricans placed nukes in Turkey and Ruskies placed nukes in Cuba,
the shit was about to get hot between the two superpowers.
And if the two proxy states were to attack one of the superpowers with nukes,
the shit would just blow away into a nuclear showdown.

And the First Order has a mega-DeathStar that wipes out an entire system.
Also keep in mind that either the Republic or the Resistance had no intel on this

Were Bothans in a mating season at the time?

 Were they too busy fucking?


How does this economy work?

So it's cheap to produce STs and TIEs.
But when the First Order is broke they can't cheaply produce STs and TIEs?

Let's think this through.
Let me pull up some bogus economy and calculate this shit.

Empire in Empire Strikes Back is rich:
They have 100 Credits.

1 Stormtrooper grunt is trained for 1 credit.
1 Stormtrooper elite is trained for 5 credit.

So the Empire would have either:
100 ST Grunts
20 ST Elites

First Order in Force Awakens is broke:
They have 20 credits.

So the First Order would have either:
20 ST Grunts
4 ST Elites

So what this guy says it that there are no more Grunts but only Elites.
Then why is there shitzillion number of STs in TFA?

If that is their entire force, then did they all died when the StarKiller exploded?
If not then why do they have that many elite troopers that die like flies in the movie?

I know they're Space Nazis and that entitles them to die by the dozen.
But that also makes this "technological advancement" moot.

They could just use the old cheap STs if they are going to die just the same.
STs in the TFA weren't any more advanced that the previous STs.

Honestly my initial thought when I saw the new Stormtroopers was that
they were going to be cool about it and never try to explain
why they wear new armor and look different.

It would actually be cooler if they weren't had to come up
with some apologetic stupid idea such as this.
I would be happy with "These are the new armors, deal with it." approach.

Rather than Lucasian Apologetic, "Because R2 lost his jets after Hoth." approach.

-v2 Addition-

This apologetic idea was that the Empire had cheap but numerous STs
while the First Order had technologically advanced STs(which are not cheap).

I made a theoretical approach on the top which showed
how stupid this idea is.

Now I'm going to do the same thing I do to Christians and Muslims;
That is, I will use their own resources against them.

You fools never learn, there is no winning against Lambdagod.

Here is the Emperor's arrival scene.
This is a major event and I assume a lot of the stationed security forces
were present at the arrival.

I'm not going to count the image but there is 300 or so personnel in this image.
If you count the off-shot STs there is some 500 STs in the hangar at the arrival.

I also want to bunk a stupid argument idiots would make:
Yes, that also supports my argument since it decreases the number of STs.

Keep in mind that these are 'cheap'  STs.


In this image which is a major gathering of troops on StarKiller Base
there is shittons of STs.

There is more than a thousand STs in this image but
I like easy math so I call there is 1000 STs in this image.

Keep in mind that these are 'advanced' STs.


This is the official comparison of the two Bases.
I did not make the pixel-km comparison,
I found it on the web but I found it also supplements my argument so there it is.

I assume that the presented security personnel in the images are the local divisions.
Which means there are more troops stationed in the overall Base while
the Emperor arrives or Admiral Fuckpiss is making his speech.

 650 / 120 = 5.41
Which means to man the StarKiller base you need 5 times more STs
than the DeathStar.

Let's assume the greeting battalion in Emperor's arrival is 1/35
of the entire DeathStar.

That would mean that the speech watching battalion on 
StarKiller is 1/175 of the entire force.

Greeting battalion is 300 (Cheap) STs.
300 * 35 =  10500
 There is 10K (Cheap)  STs on the DeathStar.

Speech Watching Battalion is 1000 (Advanced)  STs.
1000*175= 175000
There is 175K (Advanced) STs on the StarKiller.

There is more STs on StarKiller than DeathStar.

And this does not include the First Order fleet or other troops in holdings.

Empire in it's most powerful stage does not boast the
same numbers as First Order in it's weakened state(Which the new lore states.).

Bunking another stupid argument before someone even makes it:
You have 0 need for troops stationed all over the galaxy if you are
to rule the galaxy with fear of the DeathStar.
Their individual governments will keep the order and if they
misbehave, BAM, no more planet.
So First Order stationed all troops on StarKiller because
it's their only shot at galaxy domination,
while Empire treats DeathStar as a side-project?
With less ships and less troops guarding it?
Why not station the entire fleet around Death Star then?
You disbanded the senate so there is no way
for you to control the galaxy other than DeathStar approach.
And if you need to station mass amount of troops on the planets
then DeathStar must be quite moot.
Since you can already enforce dictatorship with troops.
Why build the DeathStar then?

The way to circumvent these questions is usually done by idiot-apologetics is
to invent 3rd fresh-out-of-ass reasons.
I encounter these in mass with Christians and Muslims.
It isn't any different in Star Wars morons.
They come up with entirely new ideas that doesn't fit anywhere.
Like that;
"Stormtroopers were trying to lure Luke,Han and Leia to the ship, so they can track them. That's why they keep missing their shots."
Was it also in their plan to;

Close the blast doors which is against what you want to accomplish,

(In the edited version STs radio in "Close the blast doors.",
then  they get stuck and radio in "Open the blast doors.",
which is supposedly to be a funny scene but it also goes against Luring Idea.)

Escape from Han and leading him into a dead-end where you shoot at him,
(In the edited version the dead-end was swapped with a hangar full of STs.)

Keep the bridge retracted so Leia and Luke had to use a rope to get across and
shoot at them while they are stuck in a dangerous ledge,
ST1 : My lord, the rebels are dead.
Tarkin : You were to lead them to the ship colonel, we were going to track them.
ST1 : But sir, you ordered us to shoot, so we did.
Tarkin : I ordered you to miss, colonel.

Predict the future that they will want to rescue the princess and not just want to leave
since at this point you have no idea who these captured people are or if they're rebels,

This is becoming like Palpatine's amazing plan for galaxy domination.

The lesson of the day is:

A movie is a movie, it's fun to watch and enjoy.
But when you put stupid apologetic reasoning on it,
it's a piece of moronic shit.


I am also a nerd-loser-piss-fuck so it's my duty to
throw more shit-fuck-piss out there.

If Flirt Order was weaker than the Empire.
Then they would make a smaller sized DeathStar of their own.
Or as I stated elsewhere, multiple DeathStars to subdue the Republic with fear.

Or research a better weapon,
Galaxy gun was already
done in Dark Empire but now retconned.

And what is the end game of building a StarKiller?
DeathStar was built to get rid of senate(Because democracy)
and rule the galaxy with fear(Because dictatorship).

Which is within theme of the Empire.
It both shows the character of the Empire(Democracy hating Nazis),
and it puts us in a timeline in the New Hope.(Last vestiges of Republic is gone and evil is afoot.)

Which begets for an epic journey to begin.

So if you follow the same idiotic formula.
(Empire is back with dictatorship gun to rule the galaxy)
Then don't come up with stupid ideas to justify it.

If you are going for a more realistic approach,
First Order is a weakened shadowy guerilla organization,
then work on that.

Theme is everything you fuck-fuck-fucks.

So First Order is;
Technologically Advanced
Able to build a StarKiller(Game Changer Plot Device)
Weakened Nazi Organization
Which does not go with one another.

I had assume that First Order was the combined remnant of the Empire and they are building
the StarKiller(With their last resources) so they would have one last shot to rule the galaxy,
before Republic finally hunts all of them and ends their evil.

A Nazis in MesoAmerica would be a better theme for First Order.
(I know Abraham JayJay said that First Order was like Meso-Nazis but it isn't.)

Because these days you can't have subtle Epic stories.
You can't have Achilles vs Hector.
Or Luke vs Vader.

You have to have;

This is the perfect example of Red Lamborghini.

"...a connection to Snoke..."

I have only one question and everyone is thinking it,
does he suck his dick?
Is he Snoke's personal pussy-boy?
 Is Snoke's cock shriveled and grey?

I actually didn't think I would learn the answer
but the internet once again provided me with it's sacred knowledge.

I present to you...THE ANSWER!



 I am not going to ask why an entire planet is needed to build this thing.
Or why they can't just make a normal Death Star, which would be cheaper.
They could even built several Death Stars and attack
multiple targets to cripple the Republic all over the galaxy.

This is obviously for show and for plot, so yes, I am going to let this go.

But the problem is that if this was their HQ, with all that STs on it,
then the First Order is probably crippled beyond recovery at this point.
Remember these guys used "Advanced Techology Elite Forces" approach,
which is simply more expensive.

But I assume they're going to pull an "Ultramarines First Company" on that,
and claim that the troops were evacuated at the last second or some shit.


Oh, yeah! I remember this scene in the movie.
Those planets nobody cared about.
What a tragedy!


Did that guy just used RAMification and Poe Dameron in the same paragraph?

Fuck shit, now I gotta find Poe R34, hold on...

Enjoy these images of Fin fucking Poe.


God, where is this blog going to?


I warned you about this blog being shit...you didn't listen.

This is your fault people. All your fault.