Phil o Zoophily : Let's Calculate God

I really wanted to do this for sometimes now and I think it's time.

or more appropriately...

You have to say it with a throaty sound.

Try it, 
say it with me...

We are of course doing the Hollywood version.
With the bass voice.

This beautiful man right here is more talented than us.

Damn that's magical.
I don't have the talent to produce such a sound,
but you are welcome to try.

Let's begin.
Do we have to?
Yes we are, Phil.
It is our duty, to mankind, and...something...something alturistic...and thus the arrows and slings of outrangeous fortune...

Oh shit! Metaphorical of course.
And I was here thinking that Hamlet was actually Legolas.
Thanks for clearing that dilemma out for us morons, Marcus.
They should make a LOTR version of Shakespear.

Please stop before making more people mad.
They don't really like it when you mock their values.
 I am not mocking, Phil.
I am merely pointing to the wastefullness of their fucked up lives.
If they were to commit suicide then the problem would be solved.

Good, but why do I have to tag along?
God damn it, Phil.
Don't you see the name of the title?

Do I need to go out there and find another Phil with tendency to have intercourse with animals?
Also don't forget about that video of yours fucking the president's cat.

Okay, okay. Fuck.

Abrahamic God as you know him is described as All Powerful.
We are talking about the big three.

Left to right : Jesus, Jahova and J...Allah
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These buff-fucks are All Powerful.
It means they're omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient.

Omnipotent(All Powerful) : having unlimited power.

Omnipresent(All Present) : present everywhere at the same time.

Omniscient(All Knowing) : knowing everything.

So, God can do anything, he knows everything and can be everywhere at once.
This is the basic narrative, right?

So, let's calculate the cognitive capibilities of an omniscient being.
Let's calculate god.

First of all let's define somethings so we can work better.

Processor : 

What that says it that a processor calculates incoming data and produce an output data.
So God has a processor in him somewhere that allows him to calculate stuff.

These are the top Intel products you can get today.
Intel claims that they're the fastest CPUs ever.

As you can see they range above 3GHz in frequency.
So let's take 3.5GHz as top "speed".
I know it's not that cut and dry but I need to abstract "calculation speed" in some context.

So how "fast" is God's processor?

Think of it like this.
You are playing a video game on a PC and it's a very processing intensive one.
Let's kick out the part GPU plays and imagine that this game only requires CPU to run.
Yes, it appears you love text-based RPGs.

This RPG is very complex and detailed.
It is the most advanced video game that can be ever made.
Once a calculation is required within the game a lot of data streams to the processor,
gets calculated and comes back to your screen as output.

Response time of even such demanding games today is within microsecond timeframe.

Microsecond : One millionth of a second.

I am talking about an earthly computer that as a very little calculation speed with very little data compared to what's coming.

Now imagine if this computer was able to run a simulation, that is as detailed as the world. 
With atoms and even quantum particles.
It can calculate such a great amount of data.

What kind of specs would it have?
Let's see...

One book I have in PDF format is 5.50MB of memory

Google claims that there are 130M books worldwide.
I'm sure there is more when you count in the manuals and whatnots.

So, 5.50MB times 130Million = 715Million MegaBytes
that amounts to : 715MMB / 1024 = 698242GB
round that to 700KGB
which makes roughly 700Terabytes


World's largest usb stick today holds 1TB.


Google holds 15 Exabytes of data.

So when you  consider how much data the world makes.
Every grain of sand.
Every rain drop. 
Every atom.
Every electron.

I am talking just the Earth.

Just this fucker right here.

Now how many estimated planets there are in the universe?


Okay, there is no real possible way for me to calculate how much data the world makes.
I'm not a mathematician.

So from the deep bowels of my ass I make up a number.

Let's assume that the world itself is a 100 Exabytes of data.
So all the planetary data would be :
100Exabytes times 10Trillion = 10000000000000000 = 10^16Terabytes of data

That's just the milky way, without the stars...without other celestial objects...

In this assumption the entire universe might hold:

10^10Trillion Exabytes of data

That would be the cache of the processor.
It's God's memory that only holds the knowledge within the universe.
Not the deduced knowledge mind you.
The actual physical data.

Considering he also has his own thoughts and feelings, he has more memory that this absurd number.

Basicly he has infinite amount of memory.
Otherwise he would not be omniscient.
Omniscient by definition requires that you know everything.
If God were to forget or get distracted from a single electron
that would mean that he is not omniscient.

Now let's take that cache number and pretend that we can use it to calculate other parts of his brain.

So above I took 3.5GHz as the top clock speed of a processor.
Cache is the physical memory bank that hold required data while it transits through the processor.

Let's assume that there is a relation of ratio among these two numbers.

If 25MB memory is "good" for 3.5GHz(which I assumed to be a top speed processor),

At this point in our quest to find God's computational power, my devices suffer overflow.
That is, they reach their arithmetical calculation limit.

So I'm taking 10^10Trillion Exabytes of data,
and call it 25 God Memory Unit.

So back to the calculation,
( 25GMU * 3.5GHz ) / 25MB 
I guess I need to convert GMU back to byte to make the calculation 
but the infinite amount of data easily eradicates the meagre quantity here.

So what it boils down in an idiot's mathematics(such as myself) would be.

3.5GMU(without the byte and the subsequent division) GHz clock speed.
That was ten over ten trillion GHz times 3.5
That means God has so much calculation speed that you cannot even comprehend.
Basicly it's infinite.
With the same logic.
If 10 physical cores would produce 3.0GHz.
Then God would have :
( 10Core * 3.5GMU ) / 3.0GHz
 11.6 GMU Cores
Some ten over ten trillion times eleven point six cores.

These numbers are so absurd and so horribly calculated 
that they have zero scientific value.

However they illustrate a good point.

Only a moron would believe that such a being would be tricked by a human.

You, Pragmatic Believer.
I'm talking to you, yes.

God knows that you skipped church.
God knows that you skipped mosque.
God knows that you molested that girl on the bus.
God knows that you had naughty thoughts about that kid.
God knows your most delicate secrets.
God knows everything about you that even you cannot know.

You cannot fucking escape.

So next time you came up with some bullshit excuse about your religious 
doctrine to work in your profit, please spare us the crap and kill yourself.

Or maybe is it that you don't actually believe?
It's quite reasonable isn't it?
You think there is no God, hence you can just con people and live like a faithful person.
Reaping the benefits and not paying for it in an afterlife that you don't actually believe in.
That's pretty clever.
And I'm sure the majority of people who are "religious" are just 
Pragmatic Believers that change religious rules to their heart's desire.

Does your God have a set of rules? 
Or do you ordain what he thinks?
When you interpret the source material.
When you call it cryptic.
When you say "Only the educated(aka us) can understand this"
When you blatantly changed your opinion to suit your profit.
Does your God change his opinion?
Is God a moron?

Either he is a moron or you asshole is a con-person.

Just like how Christians changed their ideas on the whole "evolution"  thing.
At first there was no evolution and Adam & Eve was solid.
Then the past 300 years they started to groan in protest.
Now most people call creation a metaphor.
Only the most hardcore pastors and priest still fully reject the evolution.
Even that new Noah movie has scenes at the beginning that shows animals evolving.
Does Jew officials changed their mind too?

I bet the creation thing is human specific only now.
The animals have evolved but humans were created by God magic.
I am 100% sure that this is their new excuse.

Don't worry, in 50 years they will change their claims
and start saying "God created evolution."
Muslim imams still stood their ground and their cult leaders claim that evolution is a sham.
I'm sure in some hundred years muslims would be saying;
"Well that Adam & Eve thing is a metaphor."
Just like their Christian and Jewish brothers and sisters.
Or should I say con-brothers and con-sisters.
The opinions and ideas of a God(An omniscient being as I explained above)
just changes like that, huh?

Is it that God can't see far?
Which means he is not omnscient.
Or that it was his plan to change his opinion.
Which breaks the "It's a test." idea that everyone just loves to spout about.
If everyone is not taking the same test than you are not 
scaling those people in the same testing environment.
And if you are changing the rules and somehow calculate the exact result of the test still in an uneven testing environment, that means you already knew the results, which simply invalidates the test.
Or maybe you are a sick person that just liked to see people suffer through constant changes and whims.
That simply means that God is a sadistic asshole.

Here is something from a muslim anti-evolution stuff.
He says "Our perceptions which form our opinions are what you choose to believe.
And opinions and perceptions do not necessarily equal reality."

Doesn't that mean that you believe in a falsified version of the reality(which is real). Such as a LIE!
"You either believe the truth of..." & "Believing is opinion and thus false.
"Dude, you can't say two conflicting things as facts.
Your intelligence is stupid.
See? That's how it's done.

AHAHAHAHA! Laugh with me Phil!
Laugh at the stupid Religious people!
Are we done yet? I'm bored.

Oh, I get it. 
What he is trying to say that, his opinion is magically right.
And everyone else's opinion is wrong.
It's an overly polite way of saying "DO AS I SAY OR ELSE!"
Typical muslims and their idiotic minds.
Here is the thing.
If an argument cannot be judged
then in mere hindsight I would deem that argument to be a lie.

That is one of the cheapest trick in the con-business.
Con-people allow you to "test" their claims only if they are sure that it would hold true.
If it is just going to fail and reveal his lies, they prevent you from testing it.
They also use "testing" as a method to divert attention.
While you are trying to test one claim(which would probably hold true),
the other con-claim goes unnoticed.
Their dummy claims might not even hold true depending on the expected time of failure.
Once you realised that their claims are false,
you would already be conned and done with.
Usually people would make claims:
"I built a sturdy wall!"
Then I say:
"Can I test it and see if it's sturdy?"
Then the idiot responds:
"No you cannot test it, it won't break but you have to take my word for it."

So next time some religious asshole rapes a child and says 
"B-but it's written in my Premium Al Habib Edition Quran"
show him this.

It would be either that there is no God to judge him.
Or that his God is one sick bastard.