Got Pissed! : Hellblazer Edition

Yep, I had to be the minority of the minorty again. I could have read Sandman, I could have read Hellboy, but noooooooooo. As always, wanting to be least numerous minority ever, I read Hellblazer.

Ever heard of Hellblazer? Probably not. It's the comic of John Constantine. You probably watched the movie, so yeah that John. Kinda.

I'm going to complain about this writer. What's her name, Phil?

Mary Sheldon.

No it isn't. Don't fucking lie to me you sick pervert.

Ok, I looked it up it's; Denise Mina.

Close enough.

No it isn't. The name is complet-uhhhhhhh.

Right off the bat I knew the writer was a women, I didn't looked up the name at first and just dived in. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. It's one of my many psychic powers. Something about the dialog and way people conversed with each other gave it away. Then I looked at her wiki, yep, a women.

There is always this thing about inter-gender writing. Something that just doesn't click. When a man writes a woman, the female character always feels like a man wrote her and vice versa. Men written by women feels...somehow different than real men, more fictional per say. And this is understandable since you can only become a man or a women and don't know exactly how the other side feels.

Yeah, right. You're a gender binary asshole.

What I'm trying to say that it is biology, one hormone or the other. Who the fuck are you anyway? Get the fuck outta here.

I am your worst nightmare, I AM THE DEFENDER OF TRANSPEOPLE ALL AROUND THE-

I said get out. Now is appreciated.

Fear me.

Get out or I start cutting your bleedy bits with a saw.

Who the fuck was that, anyway?

Beats me.

We need a door guard, Phil. Everyone without a leash is walking in these days.

I'm not volunteering.

You wouldn't do. We need someone strong and capable. I can't have the door unattented just because you ran off to fuck some donkeys or something.

I don't do donkeys. It's a common misconception that-

Whatever Phil. I don't really care.

This Mary Sheldon, was a late addition to the Hellblazer family and at first(like always), I hated her style.
You need good bits in there to win my heart. And to my suprise she did. But let's begin with the bad bit.

This is a bad entry to the saga, lady.

1: John is pulling a magic knife from his sleeve like somekind of thug.

2: He killed these deamon things like a well trained commando.

3: What the fuck is that shit? Is this an anime?

You got me pissed, Mary. Real pissed.

Her name is Denise, you idiot.

Oh, right. So Denise, we need to talk about this part. John is not an asskicker. In fact he is at it's best when he got his ass kicked.

Even Garth Ennis got this shit sorted out. John isn't a winner so your entire scene is...incomprehensible. I mean, do I supposed to be impressed? Or maybe you wanted to do a twist? Whatever the reason was, this was the worst scene since Garth Ennis' stuff. And oh boi, I have lots to complain about Ennis. In the future perhaps. Don't take this the wrong way Denise. You just happen to be at the wrong part of my mind when the night dragged on.

Something "dragged" on alright.

I was trying to say that she fell into the bullseye at the wrong-

"Bull's Eye". I hear ya.

Are you done mocking me?

Perhaps.

The best kicking John had.

John always got his ass kicked and sometimes horribly. His skill base is trickery and deceit, not combat. The scene was a shocker and that was the worst part of it. It came out of nowhere and led to nowhere. Maybe it was a "Now John is kicking ass." moment but it really wasn't. If the scene was John pulling up some magical trick on them, it would be neater. But that's just my opinion. And as you all know MY OPINION IS LAW.

So now onto the good bits.

This bit was clever and funny. I like it. Yes, in contrary to common belief I am capable of liking things.

I like this character.

She is the first character to hit John for a fag and that's impressive. Anyhow even if someone did it before, which I cannot recall, this one was the winner.

She is funny.

And witty.

And she has preferences and personality. Like a real human being.

I don't know if this was because the writer was a woman, which in my theory write their own kin better than their male counterparts or because it was just plain good writing.

In both cases, good job Denise.

Wow, are we really gonna end this on a high note? Like for real.

What's so bad with some complimentary?

Besides don't you worry, I will be back as the harbinger of doom in the next post. I will rip human society apart and put it back together like a Frankenstein monster.

Phil o Zoophily : Nature of Religious Hierarchy

We are together once again for another discussion. I promise that this one is going to suck as the last one.

Can't start without the firing bridage, mate.

Hi, Phil. There's something wrong with your face.

What? I'm smiling.

It looks like a truck ran over you.

Fine. What are we talking about today?

I woke up and got pissed at some religious dudes fucking up the world for their own gain.

Oh, I see. You got mad because the corruption of information and the suffering of innoce...

No, I got pissed because some piss poor ideology makes shit tons of money while I sit here on my ass.

That's what I like about you, no alturistic bullshit, direct and evil as always.

Let's get started, hit em up with the diagram Phil!

Take this, cocksuckers!

Oh shit!

Good job, dumbass. And you called them cocksuckers too.

So what?

Now they're gonna get angry and don't read the post.

Do they even read it in the first place?

Probably not.

Thanks to Phil we broke the first diagram so here is a new one.

The religious people come in four different castes and this is true for almost all religions.

First of we have the Sincerely Stupid:

These are the people that really believe in the magical mumbo jumbo of their religions. No they don't trace a logic train into their beliefs, they come across these magical ideas and just accept them.
To be fair most of these people are granted their faith from young age, and we all know that everything looks awesome when you are a kid. I am currently negotiating a deal with lucifer to grant me soul-vampire powers so that I can become a kid once again by eating the meat of young children.

Not gonna happen, Lambda.

Hi, Luci. What do you mean by that?

I won't let you hurt little children, the deal is off.

Well, lesser of two evils I guess.

Sincerely stupid also never leave their idea garden and never actually going to learn what the other religions are all about.
If they are muslim, they will claim that christians drink the blood of little children in their sunday prayers.
If they are christian, same thing vice versa.
In one such instance I came across the religious news reporter reported that Gangnam Style is a satanistic christian buddhist ateist child-sacrificing deamon ritual dance.
...
I'm not making that up.
They will be hearing these things about other religions and without knowing what they actually are just gonna put words together to make sentences.
Sincerely Stupid involves, old people, idiots, people who are not be able to travel widely(ie indian villagers).
And even though they are given the chance to read these materials and expend their theological knowledge base, they just won't do it. They are content with Facebook and don't bother reading two minute article on what this Buddhist crap is about on Wiki.
These people are the easiest to manipulate, they are dependent on higher castes of their religion to maintain an ignorant bliss of a life.
Sincerely Stupid are the most numerous of the religious castes. Let's make a bullshit estimation and say...60%-70%. This also increases depending on the education system or more precisely, the lack of an education system.


Pragmatist Believer:

Out of all these castes, the Pragmatist Believers are those I despise the most. They have slightly more intellect than the Sincerely Stupid and able to manipulate their religious ideas to suit their own needs.
As you all know, any psychological idea can be shaped and moulded into other ideas that suit you better. That's what the modern psychologists do, they shape your reasoning in a pragmatic way so that you stop crying about every minor thing that happened to you.
These people do it automatically, if some religious rule doesn't suit their current profits they just change it.
They will claim that it was written in the cryptic holy texts, "...and then St. Xavier approved that I can sell drugs because it was made by God...".
These people have no honour or anything, they just change the religion to their needs. And these people are one of the main driving force being religious evolution, since the rewritten even the holy text or the saying of their God to their needs.
I really can't give any specific examples on these people since they're integrated into the society and I can't even deduce their numbers, but I think they are less in numbers compared to the Sincerely Stupid.
Pragmatist Believers are more educated than their Sincere counterparts. If you educate a religious society you increase the numbers of Pragmatist. Because these people saw the wider world and decided to work their profits into it.

Mass Controller:

Ahh, my favourite people. This caste is in direct relation to the public, they work both with the Sincere and Pragmatists. They usually get money from the Sincere and work with Pragmatist to make that money. Most of the time they work as bosses to the Pragmatists, organizing the money maker rituals and everything.
Contemporary spirit-healers are an awesome example of these people.
If we had to make a christian analogy on this...let me think.
Church goers are the sincerely stupid mixing with the pragmatist believers. Pragmatist Believers are there to get power from the people.
Priest is a hybrid of mass controller and pragmatist believer.
A cardinal would be a mass controller since he has little direct contact with the mass.
Pope would be the Master of the Religion, embodying both the power and influence.
There is not much more to say about Mass Controllers, you've seen these guys around. The cool thing about them is they blend their con-job rituals in sort of an arty show, which spells magic all the way. I really have a boner for these guys, thinking that you can earn such money with just doing what you like. Well, that's art as far as I'm concerned.

Master of the Religion:

The main difference between these and the Mass Controllers is that a Master embodies not only the monetary power but also the influencial power. They embody all aspect of religious power, money, influence, political power, militaristic power and so forth.
Example of these are; Popes, Caliphates, Persian God-Kings, Pharaohs etc.
I would kill two children to become as strong as these guys but no such chance.

Hey Lambda, leave those children alone.

No one would get that anymore, Luci. This is fucking twenty-sixteen.

Sometimes I think I'm the only one listening to Pink Floyd.

I'm sure you are not. There are many people still...

NO! NO! I AM THE ONLY ONE, I'M SO SPECIAL!

Jeeez, fine. Have it your way.

Also this reasoning in mostly valid for other faith institutions such as scientology and Star Wars fans.