Got Pissed! : Hellblazer Edition

Yep, I had to be the minority of the minorty again. I could have read Sandman, I could have read Hellboy, but noooooooooo. As always, wanting to be least numerous minority ever, I read Hellblazer.

Ever heard of Hellblazer? Probably not. It's the comic of John Constantine. You probably watched the movie, so yeah that John. Kinda.

I'm going to complain about this writer. What's her name, Phil?

Mary Sheldon.

No it isn't. Don't fucking lie to me you sick pervert.

Ok, I looked it up it's; Denise Mina.

Close enough.

No it isn't. The name is complet-uhhhhhhh.

Right off the bat I knew the writer was a women, I didn't looked up the name at first and just dived in. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. It's one of my many psychic powers. Something about the dialog and way people conversed with each other gave it away. Then I looked at her wiki, yep, a women.

There is always this thing about inter-gender writing. Something that just doesn't click. When a man writes a woman, the female character always feels like a man wrote her and vice versa. Men written by women feels...somehow different than real men, more fictional per say. And this is understandable since you can only become a man or a women and don't know exactly how the other side feels.

Yeah, right. You're a gender binary asshole.

What I'm trying to say that it is biology, one hormone or the other. Who the fuck are you anyway? Get the fuck outta here.

I am your worst nightmare, I AM THE DEFENDER OF TRANSPEOPLE ALL AROUND THE-

I said get out. Now is appreciated.

Fear me.

Get out or I start cutting your bleedy bits with a saw.

Who the fuck was that, anyway?

Beats me.

We need a door guard, Phil. Everyone without a leash is walking in these days.

I'm not volunteering.

You wouldn't do. We need someone strong and capable. I can't have the door unattented just because you ran off to fuck some donkeys or something.

I don't do donkeys. It's a common misconception that-

Whatever Phil. I don't really care.

This Mary Sheldon, was a late addition to the Hellblazer family and at first(like always), I hated her style.
You need good bits in there to win my heart. And to my suprise she did. But let's begin with the bad bit.

This is a bad entry to the saga, lady.

1: John is pulling a magic knife from his sleeve like somekind of thug.

2: He killed these deamon things like a well trained commando.

3: What the fuck is that shit? Is this an anime?

You got me pissed, Mary. Real pissed.

Her name is Denise, you idiot.

Oh, right. So Denise, we need to talk about this part. John is not an asskicker. In fact he is at it's best when he got his ass kicked.

Even Garth Ennis got this shit sorted out. John isn't a winner so your entire scene is...incomprehensible. I mean, do I supposed to be impressed? Or maybe you wanted to do a twist? Whatever the reason was, this was the worst scene since Garth Ennis' stuff. And oh boi, I have lots to complain about Ennis. In the future perhaps. Don't take this the wrong way Denise. You just happen to be at the wrong part of my mind when the night dragged on.

Something "dragged" on alright.

I was trying to say that she fell into the bullseye at the wrong-

"Bull's Eye". I hear ya.

Are you done mocking me?

Perhaps.

The best kicking John had.

John always got his ass kicked and sometimes horribly. His skill base is trickery and deceit, not combat. The scene was a shocker and that was the worst part of it. It came out of nowhere and led to nowhere. Maybe it was a "Now John is kicking ass." moment but it really wasn't. If the scene was John pulling up some magical trick on them, it would be neater. But that's just my opinion. And as you all know MY OPINION IS LAW.

So now onto the good bits.

This bit was clever and funny. I like it. Yes, in contrary to common belief I am capable of liking things.

I like this character.

She is the first character to hit John for a fag and that's impressive. Anyhow even if someone did it before, which I cannot recall, this one was the winner.

She is funny.

And witty.

And she has preferences and personality. Like a real human being.

I don't know if this was because the writer was a woman, which in my theory write their own kin better than their male counterparts or because it was just plain good writing.

In both cases, good job Denise.

Wow, are we really gonna end this on a high note? Like for real.

What's so bad with some complimentary?

Besides don't you worry, I will be back as the harbinger of doom in the next post. I will rip human society apart and put it back together like a Frankenstein monster.