Star Wars is one of the most celebrated and most influencial franchise in history.
It a rival to christianity in sheer amount of followers and hype.
We all saw how much hype is unleashed when Disney prepared the world for Episode VII.
In this horrible and stupid blog post, I try to inform you of the types of people who like Star Wars and why they like it.
Here we go...
Medias of Star Wars
Original Saga :
Episode IV,V,VI
Prequels :
Episode I,II,III
Books :
Novels, RPG rulebooks and Other books
Comics:
Comics & Graphic Novels
Games:
All video games
TV Shows:
Clone Wars, Rebels
Ep7:
Force Awakens
These are the current media categories to date with significant followers.
Sects of Star Wars
Just like Christianity, Star wars has different sects
that cannot agree on what is cool and what is not.
that cannot agree on what is cool and what is not.
They also debate heavily if George Lucas is god or not,
just like the shape, aims and nature of Jesus and God.
Is God a Trinity? Is he a single thing?
The only thing I can discern is that God simply expects you to make the right choice in your beliefs...when belief is an extreme abstraction of currently available data.
Get your game together God.
just like the shape, aims and nature of Jesus and God.
Is God a Trinity? Is he a single thing?
The only thing I can discern is that God simply expects you to make the right choice in your beliefs...when belief is an extreme abstraction of currently available data.
Get your game together God.
Yep, the whole debate is turned into a shitstorm.
But don't worry, your good old friend Lambda is here to wrap things up.
But don't worry, your good old friend Lambda is here to wrap things up.
There are several types of Medias and people debate on them in an endless fashion.
Sadly I am one of those Media bashing losers since I make this post.
Puritans
Puritans accept only the Original Saga and nothing else.
They might be drawn to Star Wars because of nostalgia reasons.
They hate the extended universe with a passion and
deem that everything other than original Saga is trash.
They might be drawn to Star Wars because of nostalgia reasons.
They hate the extended universe with a passion and
deem that everything other than original Saga is trash.
Puritan Good Argument:
Original Saga has a good story and it is made as a proper movie and not a CGI-rape fest.
Puritan Bad Argument:
There can be no other good stories in Star Wars universe.
My Argument Against Their Bad Argument:
Nope, There are other good stories in SW universe, such as KOTOR.
Who Are They?
30+ aged neckbeard nostalgical losers,
some of them are aware of the original Saga's faults
and appreciate them as the movies they are.
But most of them think Star Wars is the greatest SciFi ever written and George is a GOD!
Prequel Lovers
Prequel Lovers think that SW prequels are quality movies and watch them over and over again. Whenever they enjoy other SW media they accept prequels as "happened".
Here is one of them from wikia:
Well...the answer is quite complex and will take 7 hours to explain in detail.
HERE I GO...
Because George didn't think(or care) about it when writing the prequels. That's it.
One of the most significant aspect of Prequel Lovers is their
Apologetic Explanations when it comes to faults in the story.
Apologetic Explanations when it comes to faults in the story.
They came up with ideas that were never thought of before
and claim it as the "genius" of George Lucas
as if he is somekind of ultra-clever writer with a masterplan.
and claim it as the "genius" of George Lucas
as if he is somekind of ultra-clever writer with a masterplan.
I'm sure there is an apologetic reason why R2 never told Luke.
Here, let me just shit up something...
Because R2 had a bad motivator that prevented him from transferring memory banks to his vocal devices, thus he knows about Anakin being Vader but can't say it out loud.
WOW! GEORGE WHAT A GENIUS HE THOUGHT ALL THIS THROUGH THIS IS LEGIT STORYTELLING OMFG!
This is the usual response you get from Prequel Lovers
when you confront them with why prequels suck.
when you confront them with why prequels suck.
They also come up with shittons of more apologetic ideas about why Prequels were "good".
But I'm not going to get into that, that shit is heavy.
One of the most idiotic aspects of Prequel Lovers is that
they usually "attack" Original Saga with hopes of detrimenting it in public view.
they usually "attack" Original Saga with hopes of detrimenting it in public view.
Here is one:
LEL! STORMTROOPERS CANT SHOOT SHIT LE SO FUNNIEH!11
One of the most joked aspect of Original Saga is that Stormtroopers always miss.
But this joke just shows how little the new generation know about movies in general.
In old WW2 movies Nazis always miss(Hell, they even do in modern movies).
Worse, Nazis spray the American(or Allied) heroes with machine gun fire and still miss.
Even if you never seen a 40's WW2 movie, you probably seen Indiana Jones movies which are done in the same style.
Original Saga was written and made in spirit of the old Flash Gordon series and borrow many things from the WW2 movies of that time.
Lucas and Spielberg translated those classic movies into their own
new(new in 70's) and hip(hip in 70's) types of movies.
new(new in 70's) and hip(hip in 70's) types of movies.
Indiana Jones is more gritty and dark compared to older generations of storytelling.
Just as Star Wars is gritty and dirtier compared to other mainstream SciFi movies of that time.
Here is another one:
WHY DID LUKE IS OKAY WITH KILLING EVERYONE IN DEATH STAR
LE SO PLOTHOLE VERY 2 LAUGH!11!!
LE SO PLOTHOLE VERY 2 LAUGH!11!!
Same as above, that was the storytelling of that time.
Empire is Space Nazis and it's okay to kill Nazis in America back then.
Nobody ever wondered if Nazis were actually normal people who fought for their own country just like any other country's soldiers.
Nobody ever wondered if Nazis were actually normal people who fought for their own country just like any other country's soldiers.
But to understand the context of the movie you need to have
SOMEKIND OF A FUCKING CULTURE!
SOMEKIND OF A FUCKING CULTURE!
By culture I mean you need to know about history.
But most Cold-Idiots doesn't even bother to learn and
millenials are the kids of those retarted Cold-Moron.
Thus we have the world we have today.
millenials are the kids of those retarted Cold-Moron.
Thus we have the world we have today.
So, what gets me mad isn't that people make fun of Stormtroopers.
Fuck the stormtroopers.
What makes me mad is that people don't know jack shit
about the world they live in and still act all high and mighty.
It's just sad that your stupid argument about a fictional movie
reveals how little you know about the political history of the
PAST FUCKING CENTURY!
Fuck the stormtroopers.
What makes me mad is that people don't know jack shit
about the world they live in and still act all high and mighty.
It's just sad that your stupid argument about a fictional movie
reveals how little you know about the political history of the
PAST FUCKING CENTURY!
These events defined us, they defined our world, yet people are oblivious to them.
Fuck-freaking wow, people.
Prequel Lovers Good Argument:
There are good visual art in SW that looks Star Warsy and extend the universe in a good way.
My Argument to supplement(somewhat) their good argument:
This is a very touchy subject and although I don't 100% agree on this, there are some neat stuff in the prequels regardless.
There are many talented artists working in hollywood they produce quality art even though it is under the horrible supervision of George.
Here are some examples:
Keep in mind that I'm just talking about the design and not their place in the movie or the CGI quality.
Just the designs.(These does not absolve Prequels in any way.)
I can hear nerds screaming "BUH THAS NO SPEESSHAPE!2!!"
I'm not being sarcastic here, no.
I like the new saber designs simply because I don't take lightsaber so seriously as many people do.
Lightsaber is just a neat weapon that is used by characters to hit each other.
So why don't I take lightsaber seriously?
Because there is a thing called "movie sword fighting(MSF)".
MSF and actual sword combat is two different things.
In movies swordfighters spin around themselves and clash swords in the air, they sometimes lock swords in an overpowering duel.
All these things are not related to real life sword fighting and just made in movies to look cool.
And indeed they do.
However if you think you can spin around yourself and do all these cool sword trick in a real medieval battlefield, then you are in for a bummer.
MSF also have metaphoric meanings in movies than just people clashing swords.
Prequel Lovers Good Argument:
There are good visual art in SW that looks Star Warsy and extend the universe in a good way.
My Argument to supplement(somewhat) their good argument:
This is a very touchy subject and although I don't 100% agree on this, there are some neat stuff in the prequels regardless.
There are many talented artists working in hollywood they produce quality art even though it is under the horrible supervision of George.
Here are some examples:
Keep in mind that I'm just talking about the design and not their place in the movie or the CGI quality.
Just the designs.(These does not absolve Prequels in any way.)
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| Droid designs |
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| Spaceship designs |
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| Against contrary belief I like light-staff( or whatever that shit it called) |
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| I also find other lightsaber designs neet, like the new Ken-Reno's(No idea about his name) lightsaber. |
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| Also this. Damn I want this to happen so much. |
I like the new saber designs simply because I don't take lightsaber so seriously as many people do.
Lightsaber is just a neat weapon that is used by characters to hit each other.
So why don't I take lightsaber seriously?
Because there is a thing called "movie sword fighting(MSF)".
MSF and actual sword combat is two different things.
In movies swordfighters spin around themselves and clash swords in the air, they sometimes lock swords in an overpowering duel.
All these things are not related to real life sword fighting and just made in movies to look cool.
And indeed they do.
However if you think you can spin around yourself and do all these cool sword trick in a real medieval battlefield, then you are in for a bummer.
MSF also have metaphoric meanings in movies than just people clashing swords.
For instance:
In Bespin duel it is more about the internal conflict between the characters than actual sword fighting.
(Not yet a Jedi) Luke confronting (Full Dark Side Jedi) Vader.
That is epic simply because of the sheer imbalance of powers.
Luke is like a new born cub while Vader is a full fledged Lion.
Which gives the scene intensity.
Also we are expecting the possible endings of the scene while watching.
Will Luke defeat him?
Will Vader turn Luke to the dark side?(Because Obi warns Luke in a previous scene that he is vulnerable to the dark side at this stage of training)
Will Vader freeze Luke and bring him back to the Emperor?
All these possibilities mixed with the imbalance of power makes this an awesome combat scene.
In short, lightsaber and how they look are not supposed to be realistic.
If the media-maker actually thinks it through then it is a plus but most of the time people just come up with new saber designs because they think it's cool looking.
I also love how Prequel Lovers bash original Saga with
"LE STROMTPER CANT SHOOT",
yet they scream like a little girl when Maul uses his
"Impossible to use in a practical fashion" dual-sided saber.
It just shows that they don't know about political history OR historical combat.
Which is just double funny and cringy.
OH SNAP LIGHTSABER PUN!
So, yes, I don't give two craps about saber design as long as it's not over the top.
 |
| Like this spinning over the top shit. |
 | |
| Or when Greyvicious spins his saber because someone said to Lucas "What if he spins them?". Which then he just stops spinning and attack Obi-Wan outright. It would be awesome if Obi-Wan actually uses his cunning to prevent Grifionus from spinning his sabers and defeat him. But that just too much work for George. You need to do some clever writing for that and fuck it. As Lucas said himself "...and they fight." |
But the main idea of a swordfighting in movies is for character confrontation.
If there is no characterization behind the sword fight then it is null and void.
Like the Phantom Menace fight.
Maul wants eviiiiiiiiil. Obi wants goooood. Then they fight.
Dialog in New Hope fight always bugged me.
Some of the dialog is awesome but then there are random sentences for coolness sake.
Cool dialog:
"Now, I am the master"
"Only a master of evil"
OH SNAP! That's how you return an argument, Vader get fucked.
But then there is:
"If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can imagine."
You mean you will become a force ghost without any powers?
A cool sentence for sure but it's just there for coolness sake, then he lets Vader kill him.
Which both serves as plot-purposes and it is also mystical.
Although I'm not sure George was big on the whole Mystical Force thing.
Midicloroform anyone?
I think he just failed at writing that whole situation where the actor is an old man.
So that they really wouldn't be able to shoot an extended action scene where he gets away.
He thought "How does Obi gets out of that situation?"
"He doesn't he just lets Vader kill him."
Problem solved, character is out of the way, Luke has a motivation and plot moves on.
BAM! Lucky storytelling.
George could easily play the "Because it's mystical" card, which also works in this particular scene.
If you rewatch the Originals you realise many plot devices here and there.
Such as, C3PO shut himself down in Obi's house,
probably because they didn't want the actor to stay inside the suit in an uncomfortable position while the scene progresses.
Or R2 falls down the X-Wing on Dagobah into the water and gets out when the creature spits him back.
Which is just a neat plot device that solves "How do we get R2 onto the land?".
Because the set is full of obstacles and making R2 move with the dwarf-actor in the suit is really difficult and maybe even dangerous to the actor himself.
If Lucas would had the CGI power he had now, he would just say "Make R2 fly."
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| Then we would have this: |
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| OH FUCK I AM SO SORRY YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT OH THE CANISTERS OBVIOUSLY I DIDNT THINK THAT THROUGH HOW CAN I MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE! |
You people are so dumb you can't even realise this, I mean come on people it was so obvious!
Do I need to remind you that RPC are connected to the Flying-Thruster-Rocket-Legs of R2 via the Internal-Ion-Cabling-Wires?
If you don't know these simple details maybe you shouldn't watch Star Wars. Dumb idiots.
These clever tricks to get around movie-making problems are what made Star Wars, STAR WARS!
But people usually overcomplicate these simply things and make a cluster fuck out of Star Wars.
Obi-Wan gets himself killed because it serves the plot.
But he does so in a fashionable Jedi-Like mysterious way.
We have never seen anyone else let himself killed in another SW media.
Because George used that one "I will become..." moment for plot sake.
Is there such a power in Extended Universe?
Force-Sacrifice:
When a Jedi sacrifices himself in combat he becomes more powerful than any other Force Ghost.
And is able to talk to living Jedi easier.
Does that why QuigonJin never comes back?
Because he died in combat rather than sacrificing himself?
Is this a real thing?
I'm sure it is written in Prequel Compendium #900 Special George Edition Page 542.
So don't take lightsabers that seriously. They're just neat plot devices.
It's a plus if they look cool.
It's double plus if designers put thought into it(Most of the time they don't).
Prequel Lovers Bad Argument:
There are many bad arguments these guys spew.
From "Prequels are good?"
to
"Originals suck?"
or
"Disney's stuff are bad?"
Mostly what it boils down is, these guys love the prequels and try to improve their standing with their false arguments.
This mostly involves the detriment of all other SW media.
This rage probably comes from nostalgical feeling because they've seen Prequels when they were kids and think of them in the pinky light of childhood.
I was thinking the same thing about Pokemon.
Then I downloaded and tried watching it.
It sucked ass.
Even the damn tournament, which I thought was the coolest thing ever back when, sucked ass.
So here is all to you uneducated cunts.
Christians, Muslims, Prequel fans and every other nostalgia fucks.
Just saying "It was awesome back when I was a kid." does not constitute into an argument.
It is an opinion.
And most of the time you will only half-remember that stuff simply beacuse of your good feeling about them.
Not because what they really are.
Now, I'm not going to get into a big fight involving the philosophical meaning of art and feelings because it is a cluster-fuck of a problem.
It's simply that childhood memories does not make an argument about how "good" something is.
Who are they?
20+ Aged Neckbeard losers who wear SW tshirt and have stupid SW toys in their cars or office desks.
They will post all kinds of Star Wars shit on their FB pages and defend prequels as if they are quality movies.
TV Show Losers
I'm just going to call them TSL.
These are usually kids who thinks original Saga is too boring to watch and Prequels have "good" battle scenes and lightsaber duels.
Which becomes more over the top in those stupid TV shows.
There was a scene that would illustrate my point on Youtube but apparently Disney removed all the TV show footage from it.
This Disney is a true master of Capitalism.
 | ||
| There really is nothing that makes me scared like disney. Disney is in the mind control business for the past 70 years. So yeah, they're scary as fuck. |
TSL Good Argument:
Prequels are bad but there are some neet scenes in the TV shows.
My Argument:
As I've said before there are good designs in SW prequels...
...and there are some okay stuff in the TV shows. But overall they're mired in shit.
It was really horrible when they brough Mandalorians back in all Borba Fett armor.
 | |
| It rhymes, right? |
We can't have anything original, no sir. It needs to rhyme.
Nothing can be origi...
 |
| Oh. |
Apparently they couldn't pay a visual artist 15ducks to draw them a new suit of armor.
Or they're too desperate for rhyme.
And then that guy has a black lightsaber...for reasons.
What the actual fuck?
TSL Bad Argument:
Well, other than calling the TV shows "good", they also probably claim that Original saga is boring and prequels are "passable".
They are also millenials who doesn't know shit, yet keep spewing their "arguments" around.
Who are they?
Kids and teens. Mostly millenials.
Franchise Whore
Franchise whores are the worst kind of people you will ever met.
They drool over anything with Star Wars written on it.
They buy toys.
They play Star Wars: The Old Republic
They play Battlefront(2015)
They LOVE Force Unleashed
They love SW books and comics even if it's about Gungangs or Ewooks.
These people are just terrible. They don't have a good or bad arguments since everything about them is bad.
Just walk away when you see such a specimen.
Who are they?
Mostly overweight manchildren that are also furries.
Where do I stand?
I like a good Star Wars story.
Obviously it is impossible to replicate the sincerity and the 70's storytelling like the Original Saga.
They were a different time with good and bad defined clearly(albeit wrong in today's standards).
MURICA : GOOOD
NAZIS : BAAAD
The dualist idea always works in stories. It always did and always will.
Good versus Evil.
To give some example over contemporary movies:
300
Last Samurai
and such.
You really can't draw the "good vs bad" card these days,
because people debate over what's good and what's bad endlessly.
Can't we just enjoy our side winning for once?
Does everything has to be mired in liberal shit?
This is what happens when you write a story in the SJW world:
Americans are good.
NO THEY KILL INDIAN SLAVERY CIVIL WAR IRAQ VIETNAM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Okay okay, then Nazis are good.
MUH HOLOCAUST LITERALLY HITLER BLACK LIVES MATTER FASCIST PIG RAAAAAAA...
You really can't draw the "good vs bad" card these days,
because people debate over what's good and what's bad endlessly.
Can't we just enjoy our side winning for once?
Does everything has to be mired in liberal shit?
This is what happens when you write a story in the SJW world:
Americans are good.
NO THEY KILL INDIAN SLAVERY CIVIL WAR IRAQ VIETNAM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Okay okay, then Nazis are good.
MUH HOLOCAUST LITERALLY HITLER BLACK LIVES MATTER FASCIST PIG RAAAAAAA...
Can I have complete control over a black character? How about a horrible black character?
DOES HE BEAT UP WHITE SLAVERS?
No, he...
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Why don't they make movies about black gay couples if they're into Social Justice that much?
Liberal Media has money.
Why don't Georgy pay for those movies?
He paid for that stupid WW2 black pilot movie.
Maybe the libtards should make a WW2 movie with Jew heroes.
Oh wait, they did.
Good job liberantino!
I just love how they're rewriting the history.
Black people in Battlefield I and Jewish revenge movie by Liberantino.
Funny thing is that the past was already mired in lies.
They're lying about lies they told before.
1950 : Hero Chivalric Americans vs Evil Empires(Japs & Hitmen)
2016 : WW2 was won by hero jews and black people!
Jews are so amazing, they fucked all you Americans after migrating to your country.
They fucked you in the ass and now being an American is an evil thing.
Same thing happened to Germany.
It rhymes AHAHAHAHAHAH!
Laugh with me George! Laugh at the stupid liberals!
But it rhymes!
AHAHAHAHAHA! Go Georgy!
Ehm...
Damn, I frenzied a bit.
Libtards and their "ideals" always get me riled up.
It's in my nature to hate.
Moving on...
What I like and expect in Star Wars is clever storytelling.
DOES HE BEAT UP WHITE SLAVERS?
No, he...
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Why don't they make movies about black gay couples if they're into Social Justice that much?
Liberal Media has money.
Why don't Georgy pay for those movies?
He paid for that stupid WW2 black pilot movie.
Maybe the libtards should make a WW2 movie with Jew heroes.
Oh wait, they did.
Good job liberantino!
I just love how they're rewriting the history.
Black people in Battlefield I and Jewish revenge movie by Liberantino.
Funny thing is that the past was already mired in lies.
They're lying about lies they told before.
1950 : Hero Chivalric Americans vs Evil Empires(Japs & Hitmen)
2016 : WW2 was won by hero jews and black people!
Jews are so amazing, they fucked all you Americans after migrating to your country.
They fucked you in the ass and now being an American is an evil thing.
Same thing happened to Germany.
It rhymes AHAHAHAHAHAH!
Laugh with me George! Laugh at the stupid liberals!
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| You want me to laugh you piece of shit? |
 | |
| Leave me be. I am too busy fucking black people. I need to make Red Planes 2 |
Ehm...
Damn, I frenzied a bit.
Libtards and their "ideals" always get me riled up.
It's in my nature to hate.
Moving on...
What I like and expect in Star Wars is clever storytelling.
Star Wars is a framework.
And a dumb framework at that.
WW2 and adventuring in space, with space wizard.
Star Wars is:
King Arthur(Destined to be something)
+
Modern dualist morality(Good Spirit Magic vs Evil Dark Magic)
+
WW2 (Space combat is literally WW2 naval combat, Empire = Nazi)
+
Adventure serials(Smugglers(thief), princess(dames in distance), distant places and cultures)
So it's a mesh of many things that work.
It's not even sci-fi.
Yes people, Star Wars is not Scifi, it's Space Fantasy.
Yes people, Star Wars is not Scifi, it's Space Fantasy.
Some people call it Space Opera because it involves shit tons of family issues but there are other stories that have nothing to with family.
So it's SPACE FANTASY PEOPLE DO NOT STEAL ORIGINAL CONTENT!
I think any story with thought and heart put into can become a good SW story.
I'm not picky(Fuck that I am picky).
But I did not liked the story in Episode 7.
Simply because it was a rerun of the New Hope and I've already seen that.
Ep7 was overall okay.
But I would never watch it as a good movie.
Or even a good Star Wars movie at that.
It's a Capitalist pile of rerun.
The only reason I like EP7 is because of they kicked George out of the picture and even shat on his Prequels and ideas.
Dying of Han Solo was something George prevented in Revenge of the Jedi.
But in EP7 it happens.
Take that Asshole.
I hope you choke on your stupid writing while trying to con black people out of their money.
Poor poor black people.
Now George is big on their money.
Now George is big on their money.
Watch out black people, do not listen to the fat white man!
One day the white man would realise that money is not something to eat.
 |
| Or is it? |
I don't hate Disney.
If they ever do something new and original I would watch that.
But I don't want reruns and "it rhymes" anymore.
There are many good writers out there, hire them.
Whip them to write cool stories and make movies.
It's not that hard you Capitalist Fuck-Pigs.
I think KOTOR I is the BEST story in SW universe.
KOTOR II following close behind.
Thrawn Trilogy and Legacy Saga is also good.
I think they might rip off Thrawn in future Disney movies.
Time will tell.
Dark Empire is an okay sequal to the Original Saga(Ep4-6)
but it will never be made since EP7 came out.
It has a better story and somewhat more original(not entirely) than EP7.
Rouge Squadron(Old Comic) series is also good simply because it is not about Jedis.
I'm sure Disney is going to rip them off with their new movie series.
Whatever it's called, Rouge One or something.
I don't have any hopes to get a good Star Wars movie anymore.
And now that Dark Horse is kicked in the face and LucasArts is dead.
We will hardly get any original ideas in the SW universe for sometime.
We have our old movies, old books and old games to play with.
Gather around people,
I'm going to tell you an epic story,
a thousand years in the making.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
