Got Shilled: Dawn of War 3

Hey everyone, thanks for joining me with this amazing segment of my blog.

Today I want to talk about the upcoming Dawn of War III video game.

This game looks amazing right off the bat. 
The graphics are top quality and reminded me of many good titles 
such as Dota 2, League of Legends, Diablo 3 and other amazing games. 
WOW!

Also I love how Chapter Masters are huge compared to the smaller Space Marines. 
They must be wearing the Mark 2000 Neo-Crusader Geo-Force power armour 
which will be released by GamesWorkshop(TM) in the upcoming year.

It also makes sense that the champions play a significant role in battles
 since this game totally captures the spirit of MOB...
I mean good old strategy games such as  
DOW I , Red Alert, Age of Empires and some such.

Also the buildings are back.
YAAAY! 
Buildings are an important part of strategy games, that's for sure.

Surely the great game developers will not hastle the players of 2016 
with silly things like building placement and turrets and resources.
I want all my buildings on the map because 
I have 15 minutes before my mommy calls me
for dinner and then I have to do my homerwork
so I don't have much time for actual basebuilding.

Also I'm sure the base designs will be original and unique,
let's look at the designs of some newer mobile games 
that this generation of games aspire to be.

WOW!
 Just WOW!
 Amazing design, all the buildings looks exactly the sa...I mean unique.

I want all my buildings to be similar because 
I am unable to distinguish details since 
I have a 1second attention span.
 I blame smartphones fo...wait I need to tweet smth...
#bebackinamin

Ok I'm back.
 What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, building design.

We don't get much about the base building from this video 
but I'm sure the devs worked a day and night to come up 
with an amazing game mechanic about them. 
I mean clearly buildings are completely redundant at this point,  
This isn't 1995 people and not every game has to be Command and Conquer. 
AND even if you are making the buildings redundant,
 there is simply no way to come up with a smart building mechanic for the strategy genr...

Oh...

So anyways,

The game is lore friendly, for instance the lascannons are  
beam weapons that get stronger when fired more. 
This is a well known fact of 40K universe, as described in the  
page 48 of the New 20th Edition Premium Exclusive 
Mail Order Only Warhammer 40000(TM) Rulebook.

 

Also Knights can deep strike...
I haven't read the newer Codexes or Battlesheets 
or whatevers but I'm sure some dumb writer included that in there.
SO IT'S CANON, DEAL WITH IT NERDS!

Gamesworkshop: 1 Nerds: 0

The knight of course looks amazing. 
I'm currently going to GW store to buy all the knight models there.
#buythemall

I'm back, 
I bought 7 knight models, 
my mom yelled at me for it, 
but I ignored her and slammed the door, 
so it's okay.

Also when you go to GW store be sure to buy them in 3 packs
 because I'm sure there is one of those squadrons 
or battlegroups that forces you to field 3 of them at the same time. 
They really are not that expensive you guys...

Oh...I guess they are...
you can still steal money from your parent's wallet.
#millenialproblems

Now that we have the amazing knight on the battlefield 
we don't need dem stupid dreadnoughts. 
So as this guy says, "They're a line infantry."

The terminators are line infantry now. 

The terminors look amazing. 

The terminators are...I mean the dreadnoughts.

For a second I confused myself with that IGN guy in the video, sorry.

 #equalrightsforterminator 
#myarmourmychoice 
#armourpenetrationisrape 
#emperorisawhore

Well, at least I'm not this guy...

 There was another guy who said that Dreadnoughts are spirits
of Space Marines but can't to seem to find it just now.
#takemywordforit.

WAIT!
I just realised something...
what if GW actually changed the lore of dreadnoughts in the newer codexes that I haven't read.

Need to check lexicanum hold on...

 Oh...

I guess they didn't.

Dawn of War III will be an amazing game. Advanced gameplay, dazzling graphics, lore friendly storyline and much much more.

Be sure to pre-order the game and then buy the DLCs and skin packs.

*Lambdagod blogspot is not responsible for  altered gameplay, lowered graphics, failed expectations and other accusations on my part.

Imperial Device, Warhammer Logo, Gamesworkshop Logo, Space Marine, Imperial Knight, Orks, Eldar, Warhammer 40000, Overpriced Products, Bad Company Policy, Gamer Hating Money Makers, Casualized Piece of Shit and all associated marks, logos, names, places, characters, creatures, races and other failures are either registered trademarks and/or copyrighted to Games Workshop Limited 2004-Eternity.
Variably registered in the UK and other countries.
All Rights Reserved.

Certain citadel miniatures(especially the Knight(TM)) 
may be dangerous if used incorrectly or if shoved up your ass.
 Games Forkshop does not recommend them for use by nerds with jar-complex. 

I'm done with this fucking post, can I get paid now? shillingdept@gamesworkshop.com 

yeah dude I totally did it

its finished

I sent the mail just now

no it will be transfered in about a day now

no I didnt close the browser why?

chat on the blog? what the f

---

EVEN MORE(Serious this time):

I wanted to add a few things,


First, it isn't all grim dark in warhammer franchise(It's a joke, get it?).
A new game means a new soundtrack and usually GW endorsed OSTs are good.
From old-fart like Final Liberation to Dawn of War I-II to Space Marine.
Even that horrible movie Ultramarines had a few bits of cool music.
So I have high hopes that OST might be good.
Also if you don't know, trailer music are not in-game scores.
Everything you hear in a trailer will usually be some other track specifically paid for the trailer.
Go watch Space Marine trailer if you don't know what I'm talking about:

Click me : Space Marine E3 trailer
Hi I am a virus : Danny Cock - No Restraint

So any track within the trailers are no proof on the upcoming OST.
But from previous work I would say that the DOW3 OST is the only thing I look forward to.
And maybe some sound effects my good fellas on the internet can rip.
On the voiceacting though, DOW2 sucked hard ass
so I don't think there will be quality voice acting in DOW3.
 I wanted to be wrong about this but the chances are that I am right.

About the graphics in a SFM related way,
these models are so deprecated compared to the
quality SFM wallpapers rolling around the internet
so I think it would be a detriment to actually port these.
They would probably port the wraithknight and Imperial knight though.

Now I want a shot at the trailer itself.
I actually saw this trailer only because I was browsing
DOW3 website to find if the composer was announced.
That's the level of care I have for this stupid game.
I do make a long-ass blog post about it though.
Aaaand that's my disfunctional relationship with 40K, folks.

Trailer starts off with a quote from Inquisitor Zeevka.
Oh no, wait that's a guy from my stupid fanfic.



I don't remember where this from was, exactly. But spending so much time with 40K that I could swore it is something from the Tyranid Codex. 3rd or 4th edition probably.
So I guess dev-boss said "Find me some cool quote.".
Then the junior-dev browsed Lexicanum and found this.
Then dev-boss asked "What does it mean?"
Junior-dev : "I don't know, shall I look for the context?"
Dev-Boss "Who cares, dump it in the trailer."

I'm in so much trouble if this turns out to be wrong.
My fans would rip me apart. I can probably take down 1 or 2 of them.
Especially if they're fat.
But the third would surely to kick my ass.
But to my luck there could be only 2 of them. So come at me.

Wait, what if it's like one fan but he is a muscled gym guy.
Then I would run and throw banana peels as I ran.
That would work.

Back to the trailer.

First scene of the trailer is a mountain with the following voiceover
"Bla bla bla bla bla, bla. Bla bla bla. Bla bla, bla bla something bla bla.
And then bla bla and bla.
Something about Emperor or someshit.
May the bla Emperor whatever."

After this amazingly unique voiceover that bored my mind off it's tracks.
We are presented with the statue of the Emperor.

A cool scene, okay.
Then I expect somekind of fighting scenes that would get the blood up.
Remember the first Dawn of War?...




It would start off with Thunderhawks soaring ahead and Predator firing it's twin linked lascannons as Ork rokkits explode around...



And then they charge up the hill and its so dumblishly 80's Warhammer, it's awesome...


Then people rip each other apart in close combat, man that was fucking amazing.

In DOW3 we have emo-voiceovers.
"You are destined for great thing."
"The darkness shall fall upon us as the reckoning beckons."
"War is coming, and I shall take it in my ass"
"You are different Clark, now go make horrible movies that people defend."
And more like this.
Man, I never thought epic genre would be this watered down and shitted upon.

How about that, Homeros?

Why Lambda? Why is this happening?

Well, Homer.
There is this Anti-Zeus cult called HolliWhud,
which waters down everything to appeal to idiot masses.
And every media sector from music to video games are effected by their action.

I have no idea about what you just said but it sounds horrible.

It really is. But there are still gems.
Some movies are really good and influence greater thing.
For Instance...
Saving Private Ryan: More realistic combat scenes, with tore limbs and dirt blowing everywhere etc.
Godfather: An entire genre of mafia games and mafia influenced style.
Matrix: Defined cooler dynamics for combat and character style.
Etc.

Well, back to trailer. Or to suicide?

Space Marines are lean in this trailer.
For what reason I have no idea.

 

 They reminded me of this wallpaper.
This is a really old WP, I don't know the exact age but I would say same time with DOW1.
It was clearly in existence when DOW2 came out, that's for sure.

 


Then the hill or whatever becomes a mass of Orks...I guess.


Apparently it's really easy to tore Space Marine limbs even when they're in power armor.
This Ork just pulls his arm off without any leverage or support.
At least he could planted a foot or something.





This scene shocked me beyond words.
This is the first time in a GW endorsed product,
we see a Space Marine die horribly and be overpowered.
I mean, we are talking about Gamesworkshop here.
THE Spees Mareen company.

The same guys who realised the "Space Marine within a Space Marine(TM)" idea.

Centurions, aka Space Marine within Space Marines.

Before Centurions were made, this was an internet meymey.





But Gamesworkshop took the next step and made it a reality.  
Space Marine Space Marines!

Also let's not forget that they retconned the "Massacre of the Ultramarines 1st Company"
because they realised killing all the terminators
and then saying "Buy Termin models" is a bad idea.

GW's love for the Space Marines run so deep that
they actually tried to ban a book from Amazon in a horribly violent sueing act.


Now you understand my shock about the demise of that Space Marine.
It's amazing that anyone in GW actually allowed a Space Marine to die.
I mean Space Marines? Dying? Pssh. It's outrageous.

Then the knights show up and fight the frightknight.

 
Wrightknight cuts the Knight in half. Don't they have void shields or something?
Honestly, I have no idea if void shields work in CC,
since I never had the cash or the audacity to buy an actual Titan
(That was before the Knights came out and Epic was pretty much dead).
I haven't read the rulebooks either,
you should know that I hate reading by now.
Fucking books. Too much letters.
I can only read 2 letters at a time so fuck off.

To sum everything up. 
Love one another, give gifts of love and spend time with your fellow people. 
Dance and sing in the streets and mate with those you adore. 
Feel the love inside you and share the gifts of this world. 
Multiply the feeling of compassion with every soul you speak and smile.
Yes, you guessed right. 
I am very sick and delusional today.  
Hopefully I will die.
#DieyoupieceofLambdashit
#Ihopeyouchokeonyourvomitinsleepasshole
#Lambdaisdyinggetthechampagne